Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

‘What’s this about my old man being on the apps?’

A Prius pulls up at the next pump, just as I’m imagining what topics my pep talk would touch on, and suddenly I hear the driver say my name. She’s like, “Ross!” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Dude, you’re going to have to choose between science and rugby’

So – yeah, no – I’m in the staffroom and I’m chatting to one or two teachers about the Leinster match against La Rochelle: Miss Casey, who teaches something-or-other, and Miss Nealon, who teaches, I don’t know, something else. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘There’s a Londis in Foxrock? I’d say my old dear is turning in her–’

I’m packing away the last of the Christmas bits and – yeah, no – I’m throwing out the Advent calendar that someone sent me obviously as a joke. It’s a Blackrock College Advent calendar – which is the same as a regular Advent calendar, except that your daddy opens all of the doors for you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘We’re going to run up the Sugar Loaf carrying rocks. Work through the pain barrier!’

“Okay,” I go, “today we’re going to work on one or two moves from this sacred text,” and I show the players my famous Rugby Tactics Book.There are no gasps from the kids, even though there are a lot of rugby coaches out there who would kill to get their hands on it.Yeah, no, they all just roll their eyes, probably pissed off at being asked to train in Herbert Pork on New Year’s Day....irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Elf went missing and Sorcha’s old man went loop-the-focking-loop. He actually rang the Gords’

Sorcha’s old dear has a scream on her like Wayne Bornes’s whistle. Sorcha’s old man is like, “What in the name of God?” and we all rush into the living room – we’re talking me, Sorcha and, like I said, her old man – to see her standing there with the famous Elf on the Shelf in her hand. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.