Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Whose Cup Are You Filling?

You are pouring yourself out every single day. But into whose cup? In this powerful conversation inspired by Derek Thompson, Justin and Kylie explore a simple metaphor that will stop you mid-scroll: every morning you wake with a full jug of water. By night, it’s empty. The only question that matters is where it went. Work. News. Regret. Netflix. Anxiety. Group chats. Your kids. Your marriage. Attention never lies. It reveals what we truly value. If you’ve been feeling depleted, resentful, stretched thin — this episode will gently realign you with what actually matters. Because tomorrow morning?The jug refills. KEY POINTS The “Cup Game” metaphor and why you’re playing it whether you realise it or not Why attention is your most honest measure of values The hidden cost of pouring into cups that don’t matter Why good things can still drain you A simple end-of-day question that changes everything How to reset — even if you’ve been “losing” the game for years QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Attention never lies. It reveals what we truly value.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Derek Thompson Substack article: Whose Cup Are You Filling? Stephen Covey – “The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS At the end of today, ask: Whose cup did I fill? Notice one cup that received too much water. Choose one relationship that gets first pour tomorrow. When you feel depleted at 4pm, take one small intentional step toward connection. Remember: the jug refills in the morning. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When “I Don’t Want To” Is Really “I’m Scared”

What if your child’s resistance isn’t laziness… but fear? In this heartfelt Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn’t want to try the 6am surf class — and the surprising truth behind her pushback. This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves). If you’ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new — this one will land. KEY POINTS Why “I don’t want to” often masks “What if I look dumb?” The hidden power of friendships in building confidence How to use a “soft entry” instead of forcing commitment The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development) Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness The family lesson we forgot after COVID QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Sometimes our kids’ trepidation is less about the activity… and more about feeling incompetent.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Justin’s books and parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment Look for the fear underneath the resistance Pair new challenges with trusted friends Protect one quiet hour this week — no screens, no rushing Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Learning Zone That Builds Unstoppable Kids

When your child says “I can’t do this” and wants to quit right now… what do you do? Whether it’s maths, piano, friendships, or riding a bike, kids hit the wall. They avoid. They melt down. They take their bat and ball and go home. But what if that uncomfortable moment isn’t failure… it’s the doorway to growth? In this episode, we unpack the powerful reframe that helps kids push through frustration, build resilience, and experience real progress — without shame, pressure, or lectures. This one shift changes everything. KEY POINTS Why avoidance feels good — and why it holds kids back The two dimensions of emotion and what they mean for learning The “Learning Zone” reframe that transforms frustration Why purpose matters more than pressure The three drivers of motivation: relationships, choice, and competence Why discomfort is often the signal that growth is about to happen When pushing through is healthy — and when it’s not QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the signal that growth is about to happen.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Man's Search for Meaning – Viktor Frankl ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Check relevance first – Does this challenge actually matter? Name the Learning Zone – Help your child recognise discomfort as growth. Strengthen connection – Struggle feels heavier when kids feel alone. Support competence – Break tasks into smaller wins. Focus on purpose – A strong “why” makes the “how” bearable. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

E-Bikes: When Teenage Freedom Turns Dangerous

Teenagers are riding at 70km/h with no helmets. Police are investigating. Communities are furious. Parents are terrified. E-bikes are everywhere — and the debate is explosive. Is this about reckless teens? Bad laws? Or something far closer to home? In this episode, Dr Justin Colson from the Happy Families podcast unpacks the real issue behind the headlines. It’s not just about e-bikes. It’s about freedom, responsibility, and the parenting conversations we’re either having… or avoiding. Because banning them won’t fix it.But shrugging won’t either. If you’ve got a risk-taking teen — or one who soon will — this is a conversation you need to hear. KEY POINTS Freedom without responsibility becomes a free-for-all Risk is essential for development — recklessness is not Pedal-assist bikes and throttle bikes are not the same Legislation won’t solve what parenting must address Teens chase status, thrill and belonging — not danger The real missing ingredient is consideration QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Freedom isn’t the same as a free-for-all. The real issue isn’t the e-bike — it’s whether we’re teaching our kids what freedom requires.” ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Have the deeper conversation.Not just “be careful.” Ask: Who could you hurt? What does sharing space mean? Differentiate risk from recklessness.Climbing trees builds capability. Blowing through traffic signals destroys trust. Talk about invisible impact.Help them imagine the pedestrian, the driver, the nurse in emergency. Channel thrill safely.Structured sport, competitions and supervised challenges can meet the same need. Stay connected.Consequences matter — but relationship influence matters more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Stop the Sneaky Lies Without Crushing Trust

Your child lies. You catch them. They double down. Now what? When an 8-year-old swears they didn’t sneak the TV or the treats (even with chocolate on their face), most parents panic about what it means for the future. In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie explain why lying is normal, why punishment makes it worse, and how to respond in a way that builds honesty instead of fear. If you want truth without tears, this conversation changes everything. KEY POINTS Lying is a developmental milestone, not a moral collapse. The harsher the punishment, the better kids get at hiding. Shame damages relationships and kills honesty. Most lies are about avoiding trouble or getting access to something they want. The goal isn’t catching kids out — it’s solving the problem together. You’ll have this conversation again and again. That’s normal parenting. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Lying is not a moral crisis. It’s a teachable moment.” RELATED RESOURCES #846 An Honest Conversation [podcast episode] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Stay calm. Avoid lectures and threats. Say what you see instead of asking trap questions. Make it safe to tell the truth. Explain your concerns (health, sleep, fairness). Collaborate on a plan everyone can live with. Repeat the conversation as often as needed. Submit your tricky question at happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.