Authentic Men's Group podcast

Disconnected Men & Why It Happens

Episode 1 Overview: Disconnected Men — Why It Happens Most men don't wake up thinking, "I have no friends." They wake up thinking, "Why does this still feel… alone?" In Episode 1, we name what's actually underneath so much frustration in modern male life—marriage tension, shallow friendships, feeling stuck in purpose, always being "fine" but never really okay. It's not that men don't want connection. It's that many men are disconnected from Source—their inner world. And without Source, depth in any relationship is almost impossible. What we talk about in this episode We start with a simple but important reframe: most men aren't "friendless." They're disconnected—from themselves, from other men, and often from the relationships that matter most. Then we bring in the data. The numbers are wild: close male friendships have dropped sharply over the last few decades, and more men now report having zero close friends. The big point isn't to shame anyone—it's to make it clear you're not alone and you're not defective. This is bigger than one man's personality. Something has shifted. From there, we get practical. We talk about why so many male friendships stay at the "activity friend" level—guys you watch the game with, work with, text with, hang with—but who don't actually know what's going on inside you. You can have people around you and still feel unknown. The Circle Framework (the map we use at AMG) We introduce the AMG Circle Framework to explain why depth feels so hard: Circle 1: Source — self-awareness, emotional clarity, identity, authenticity Circle 2: Significant Other — your partner relationship Circle 3: Select Few — the men who know your real story Circle 4: Activity Friends — connection through hobbies, work, sports, etc. Circle 7: Coping — temporary relief when life feels too heavy A lot of men live in Circle 4, pour themselves into work, and then cope in Circle 7… while Source stays underdeveloped. And here's the calm truth we keep coming back to: Depth isn't accidental. It's intentional. Why "Source" is the real bottleneck We slow down and talk about what disconnection from Source actually looks like. For many men, emotional vocabulary shrinks to survival language: Fine. Stressed. Tired. Annoyed. Good. That's not depth—it's a status update. We also talk about performance-based identity (produce, achieve, provide), and what happens when that performance dips. When a man's identity feels unstable, vulnerability feels unsafe. And when vulnerability feels unsafe, depth gets replaced with humor, sarcasm, avoidance, or staying busy. Not because men are bad—because most men were never trained. Familiarity isn't intimacy One of the biggest takeaways: you can know a guy for years and still not know him. Teasing and joking can be real bonding—but they can also become the shield that keeps anything meaningful from ever being said. We ask a few reflective questions that make it obvious whether a friendship is actually deep… or just familiar. Coping vs self-care We also talk about the difference between coping and self-care. Coping isn't evil. It's understandable. But coping reduces intensity—it doesn't build depth. Coping gets you through the night. Self-care builds your life. Weekly challenge (simple, real, doable) This week, do two things: Notice your go-to coping pattern. Then ask: What emotion might this be helping me avoid? Text one man and initiate something real. Try this: "I've realized I've been more disconnected than I want to be. Want to grab coffee and talk real life?" Next episode In Episode 2, we'll show you how to build Circle 3 friendships on purpose—how to move from surface connection to real brotherhood without it feeling forced, awkward, or cheesy. If this episode hits home, you're exactly who we made it for.

The Masculinity We Inherited… And Why It Stops Working

  The Masculinity We Inherited… And Why It Stops Working Most men didn't choose their model of masculinity. We absorbed it—through family, culture, locker rooms, workplaces, and silence. This episode was sparked by a long conversation between Andrew Huberman and therapist/author Terry Real about masculinity, emotional health, and relationships. What stood out wasn't a new, flashy idea—it was language. Language for something most men feel but don't always know how to name. This isn't a lecture. It's not political. It's three men thinking out loud about what works, what doesn't, and what might actually help. At AMG, the goal isn't perfection—it's practice. And we lead with curiosity over defensiveness. The Masculinity Model We Inherited Most of us were taught a version of masculinity that prizes: Stoicism Self-reliance Emotional restraint Vulnerability was framed—explicitly or implicitly—as weakness. The message wasn't always spoken, but it was clear: Handle it. Don't need too much. Don't feel too much. As Terry Real puts it (paraphrased): Avoiding vulnerability doesn't eliminate it—it follows you. What That Feels Like Internally For many men, this shows up physically before it shows up emotionally: A tight chest A clenched jaw Emotional narrowing And when emotions do surface, the vocabulary is limited. Most men were handed four options: fine, tired, stressed, or pissed. An AMG Practice Instead of defaulting to "I'm fine," practice naming what's actually there—even if it's clumsy at first. Reflection: What emotions felt unsafe or unwelcome growing up? The Cost No One Warned Us About The inherited model works—until it doesn't. Performance-based worth can drive achievement. But achievement delivers pleasure, not relational joy. Many men reach a confusing place where they are: Competent but disconnected Successful but quietly lonely Calm on the surface, angry underneath Anger often becomes the only "allowed" emotion because it still feels powerful. This isn't about becoming soft. It's about becoming more effective and more connected. At AMG, we don't just name behavior—we name cost. Reflection: Where has this model worked for you? Where has it quietly failed you? Redefining Strength What if vulnerability isn't a collapse—but a skill? Strength isn't the absence of discomfort. Strength is the capacity to stay present with it. This includes: Expressing needs clearly instead of controlling outcomes Naming truth without blame Allowing discomfort without shutting down Terry Real (paraphrased): Strength includes the capacity to identify and name our needs respectfully. Important Distinctions Oversharing vs. clean honesty Presence vs. emotional flooding Vulnerability vs. losing regulation Many men confuse control with strength—when in reality, control is often fear in disguise. Reflection: Where do you confuse control with strength? Relational Mindfulness & Healthy Distance Relational maturity isn't about reacting better—it's about noticing sooner. This means: Recognizing internal reactions before acting Taking space to regulate, not punish Returning to the relationship clean instead of armored Sometimes "I need space" quietly turns into a two-day blackout. That's not regulation—that's avoidance. At AMG, the practice is simple and demanding: Rest. Regulate. Return. When done well, you'll notice: A settling nervous system Reduced reactivity More honest connection Weekly Practice This week, notice one moment when you want to shut down or get defensive. Stay present 10 seconds longer than you normally would. No fixing. No explaining. Just presence. Reflection Questions What masculinity model did you inherit? Where is it costing you connection? What would strength-as-presence look like this week? What's Next In Episode 2, we'll explore: Ownership vs. self-blame Coping vs. numbing Brotherhood as a legitimate mental health strategy Because men don't heal in isolation—and they never have.  

You Don't Earn Being a Good Man (Part 2)

You Don't Earn Being A Good Man (Part 2) We're talking about what actually happens in a man's life when he believes one story versus the other, how seeing yourself as good or broken shapes your reactions, your relationships, and the way you show up in the world." SECTION 1 — Identity Split (Good Man vs. Bad Man) When a man sees himself as GOOD: More present and grounded. Slower reactions. Empathy increases. Honest about emotions. Healthy boundaries. Accountability without collapse. Less numbing, more connection. Confidence without performing. When a man sees himself as BAD: Overreactions or shutdowns. Withdrawal, isolation. Harsh self-talk. Perfectionism or procrastination. More porn, alcohol, scrolling, workaholism. People-pleasing or controlling. Difficulty receiving love. Self-sabotage.     SECTION 2 — Personal Stories "My deeper story was…" "My statue was buried under…" A simple memory or scene that shaped your identity wound. A moment when you realized your goodness wasn't gone. Something another man in AMG said that hit you. A time you behaved badly because you believed you were bad.     SECTION 3 — Tools & Practices That Helped "My mistakes are moments, not my identity." Naming shame out loud so it loses power. Shifting from performance to presence. "I'm already good. Start from there." Getting affirmation from other grounded men. Telling the truth in a circle instead of hiding. Practicing receiving encouragement even when it feels uncomfortable. Simple grounding practices: breath, voice, slowing down.     SECTION 4 — Why This Matters for Family & Community Your kids mirror your identity more than your actions. Partners feel your groundedness. Men show up differently when they know they're good. Presence replaces defensiveness. Courage replaces avoidance. Integrity replaces performance. Leadership becomes relational, not controlling.     CLOSING — The AMG Identity Use these lines as talking points: Goodness is original, not earned. Mistakes are dirt, not identity. The statue has never gone anywhere. You don't "become" a good man — you remember you already were one. This is why AMG exists: men remember their identity together. Identity grows in circles, not isolation. And remember,  "You are a good man." We are not saying this as a reward that you have earned or trying to make you feel better, but as a reminder of your identity and how you want to show up for yourself, others, and our community.  

You Don't Earn Being a Good Man

You Don't Earn Being a Good Man: Reclaiming the Identity You Were Born With Authentic Men's Group (AMG) Podcast Blog Every man wonders quietly, "Am I actually a good man?" Most men won't say it out loud—but the question sits underneath their decisions, their relationships, their mistakes, and the way they carry themselves through life. For many, goodness feels fragile… like one wrong move can erase everything. Like your identity is something you perform into rather than something true about you. Most of us grew up earning approval, not building identity. This episode is about reclaiming the deeper truth already in you. It's about remembering something you were born with—not something you have to earn, prove, or achieve. The Good Man Statue: The Identity Beneath the Dirt Every man carries a statue inside him—the Good Man Statue. It's who he was long before he learned to toughen up, hide emotions, pretend he didn't need help, or perform to be accepted. It's the part of him that's strong, grounded, steady, and whole. It's the part that wants to love well, lead well, and live with integrity. But life has a way of throwing dirt on that statue. A mistake at 17 A failure at 25 A moment in marriage where you hurt someone you love Childhood messages that taught you you're only good when you behave Shame that stuck before you even understood the word Little by little, the statue gets covered. And at some point, you stop seeing it at all. You start believing the dirt is you. You start thinking, "Maybe I'm just not a good man." That's the lie almost every man in AMG has carried at some point. But here's the truth most men never hear: The dirt never replaces the statue—it only hides it. Your goodness doesn't disappear when you mess up. It doesn't get revoked when you fall short. It doesn't crumble when someone is disappointed in you. The Good Man Statue is still there, carved into the core of who you are. When a man believes he's broken or bad, he behaves like a man trying to outrun shame. When he remembers the statue underneath, he moves with presence and strength again. The work isn't becoming good. The work is brushing off the dirt. Every honest conversation… Every moment of accountability… Every time you say the hard thing out loud… Every moment another man says, "You're not alone"… Every time you offer yourself compassion instead of punishment… It clears a little more dirt. That's why AMG exists. Identity gets restored in circles—not isolation. And once a man sees the statue again, even for a moment, he shows up differently: For himself. For his partner. For his kids. For his community. He leads from identity—not insecurity. This is the identity work every man is hungry for: "I don't earn goodness. I remember it." SECTION 1 — What "Being a Good Man" Brings Up for Most Men For many men, the phrase "being a good man" triggers: Pressure — like being graded or silently measured Fear of messing up and losing your identity Feeling good only when you're achieving or productive Old messages: "Don't disappoint anyone" Shame that rewrites your story in seconds Humor that's not really humor: "If being a good man was a class, I'd be repeating it." Memories of trying to perform your way into worthiness Most men have learned to tie goodness to behavior—not identity. Which is why the Good Man Statue metaphor hits so deeply. SECTION 2 — Why Men Don't Believe They're Good Men Most men don't struggle with behavior as much as they struggle with identity. Here's why: 1. Childhood Scripts Be good. Be strong. Don't mess up. Approval was tied to obedience, not authenticity. Goodness felt conditional from day one. 2. Shame From Old Mistakes Men carry mistakes like permanent labels. Shame doesn't stick to behavior—it sticks to identity. 3. Performance-Based Worth Men are taught: "I am what I produce." Which means when performance drops, identity collapses. 4. Lack of Affirmation Most men have never heard: "You're solid. I see the good in you." Without strong mirrors, insecurity grows. 5. Comparison & Internal Criticism "You're behind." "You should be further along by now." Comparison erodes identity faster than failure. 6. Isolation Men rarely have spaces to be honest. Silence becomes the loudest critic. In every AMG group, men eventually say the same thing: "I thought I was the only one who felt this." Insight Men often lose identity faster than they lose self-control. Most issues aren't about discipline—they're about worth. Who Gets to Decide If You're a Good Man? This question sits at the center of most men's inner battles: "Who gets to decide if I'm a good man?" Most men assume the verdict belongs to: Their partner Their dad Their boss Their pastor Their ex Their mistakes Their success or failure When others hold the measuring stick, identity becomes unstable. You live reactive, defensive, and afraid of being "found out." **Here's the truth: No one else gets to declare whether you are a good man.** Others can reflect your goodness— But they can't define it. If your identity depends on external approval, it becomes rented, not rooted. And rented identity collapses the moment someone is disappointed in you. Grounded men don't outsource their identity. Healthy identity sounds like this: I listen to feedback. I take responsibility when I cause harm. I repair where needed. But I don't hand someone else the authority to define who I am. There's a difference between: Accountability: "I can own where I messed up." Identity: "My mistake is who I am." Other people's disappointment is not the authority on your goodness. Your goodness is already built into the Good Man Statue—solid and unshakeable. When a man reclaims his identity: Defensiveness softens Presence increases Integrity strengthens Courage grows Relationships feel safer Leadership becomes more grounded He stops trying to prove goodness and starts embodying it. The Final Truth: You Decide You decide if you are a good man. Not by earning it. But by returning to what's already true. Goodness isn't a vote. It's not a scoreboard. It's not something that can be taken away. Goodness is a state of being — a statue you were born with. Your work is simply to uncover what's already there. And that's the work we do, together, in AMG.

How to Approach The Enneagram with Dr. Ev

Episode Title: How To Appraoch The Enneagram? Introduction In this episode, we sit down with Ev, a coach and long-time student of the Enneagram who has spent years helping men uncover who they really are beneath the roles, habits, and masks they wear. The Enneagram isn't about putting you in a box — it's about showing you the box you've been living in and how to get out. Ev shares how the Enneagram has shaped his own journey, giving him language for the patterns that once ran on autopilot. This episode kicks off a conversation that many men in Authentic Men's Group (AMG) will resonate with: How do I Appraoch the Enneagram? What Is the Enneagram? The Enneagram is a powerful framework for self-understanding. It maps out nine core personality patterns, each driven by a unique motivation, fear, and desire. Here's what's important for men to remember when diving into this tool: Avoid labeling others. The Enneagram is not a weapon or a way to diagnose. It's an invitation to empathy — for yourself and others. You are not just one number. Think of your Enneagram DNA: your main type interacts with other types, creating a unique internal ecosystem. Your core type remains steady over time. While your behaviors may shift as you grow, your deeper motivations often stay consistent. For men who are doing the work, the Enneagram helps you understand why you do what you do — not just what you do. Levels of the Enneagram: Growth and Decline Ev walks us through how each Enneagram type operates across levels of health — from your best, most grounded self to your most reactive and disconnected state. Understanding these levels gives men a roadmap. You begin to notice when you're slipping into old patterns or losing touch with your core values. Instead of judging yourself, you get curious: What's driving this? What am I trying to protect? This awareness is where transformation begins. The goal isn't perfection — it's presence. Practical Application for Men At AMG, we use the Enneagram as a mirror, not a mask. Here's how to start: Identify your top three types. Early on, don't stress about "nailing it." Start by exploring what resonates the most and why. Learn your type's levels of health. Every type has a spectrum — from grounded to stressed. Learn to recognize your signals at each level. Observe, don't obsess. The Enneagram is meant to increase awareness, not self-judgment. Notice patterns, name them, and bring them into group discussions. Invite others in. Be vulnerabkle and real with your awarenesses. Ask for feedback from your AMG group, coach, counselor, or a trusted partner or friend. This is where the real growth happens — in conversation, reflection, and shared honesty among men doing the work together. Closing Reflection The Enneagram isn't just a personality test — it's a spiritual mirror. It helps men see not just who they are, but how they're showing up. When we approach it with humility and curiosity, it becomes a roadmap to freedom rather than a fixed identity. As Ev reminds us, "You don't grow by changing who you are. You grow by becoming more aware of who you've always been."