The Funky Panther

200 F*ckin' Episodes Later: CPAPs, Crickets, and Cream of the Cock

Send us a textThis ain’t your grandma’s podcast recap. After five long-ass years and 200 episodes of pure chaotic energy, The Funky Panther boys are still talkin’ shit, takin’ names, and accidentally jacking off crickets (don’t ask). In this “farewell-but-not-really” dumpster fire of nostalgia, we look back at the beer-soaked beginnings, roast our old intros, and get weirdly emotional over CPAP machines and robot vacuums. Chad announces he’s ditching the mic for married life and adulting — RIP to his balls. Also featuring: edible-fueled honeymoons, dick jokes during serious announcements, and more clickbait than a Buzzfeed intern on meth. If you’ve ever wanted to hear grown men cry into microphones while debating the proper term for robot slurs, this one’s for you.  Fake adCALL OR TEXT OUR HOTLINE AND LEAVE US A MESSAGE! 817-677-0408Fort Worth MagazineBest of 2022 - Radio Personality/Podcast (Reader's Pick) Show LinksThe Funky PantherMerchYouTube

Ghost Dongs, Gilmore Rage & the Nacho Cult: The Emo Panther Pilot

Send us a textWelcome to Touching Tips — where four emotionally unstable dudes collide into one chaotic AF podcast experiment. We’re talking anime, metal, horror flicks, Bad Bunny backlash, and yes... nachos worth a three-hour road trip. It’s the pilot of the Emo Panther crossover nobody asked for but everyone secretly needed. From Gilmore Girls rants and hot takes on Breaking Bad to unsolicited butthole elasticity facts — this episode’s a fever dream in 4K.Expect:Unhinged anime analysis (One Piece, Chainsaw Man, Dandadan)Controversial takes on A24 films, Rocky, and Rory Gilmore being an actual menaceRaw, offensive humor about Ghost Dongs™ and circumcision conspiraciesA holy war over nachos, Chacho’s, and Salt Lake City mole dreamsWe said what we said. If you're easily triggered or a Five Finger Death Punch fan… you’ve been warned. Fake adCALL OR TEXT OUR HOTLINE AND LEAVE US A MESSAGE! 817-677-0408Fort Worth MagazineBest of 2022 - Radio Personality/Podcast (Reader's Pick) Show LinksThe Funky PantherMerchYouTube

Ambulances, Immigrants, and Abbott’s THC Flip-Flop

Send us a textWe’re back, btches. After a short summer break filled with meat sweats and mental breakdowns, the Funky Panther trio returns to shove brisket, burnout, and batsht headlines right into your earholes. Chad, Javier, and Tim go full Texas savage, starting with the 2025 BBQ rankings—DFW’s laying pipe all over the state, with Goldee's and Dayne's making mouths (and arteries) explode. We build the ultimate meat plate that would make a cardiologist cry. #BBQPorn #TexasMeatCultThen Tim has a corporate meltdown on mic. His desk job gets eaten and now he’s back in an ambulance, wrestling death and existential dread while pretending this is all fine. Spoiler: it’s not. #CorporateHell #ParamedicProblems #MidlifeCrisisJavier dives into the international paintless dent mafia—yes, a real thing—where Italians and Brazilians get flown in like storm-chasing mercenaries to fix Texas hail damage while dodging visa drama and sketchy middlemen. It’s capitalism, but make it Fast & Furious. #DentLife #ImmigrantHustle #TexasStormMoneyThings spiral fast: 🚗 Self-driving Teslas plotting murder 🍁 Abbott vetoing THC like it’s the 1950s ✈️ Plane crash survival tips from dudes who definitely wouldn’t survive 🚽 And the crown jewel—someone literally stole an 18-karat gold toilet named "America" from a palace. If that doesn’t summarize 2025, nothing does. #GoldToiletHeist #AmericanDreamMyAss #WTFNewsOh, and JaeBoy calls in with music updates that make us question our own life choices. Again.This episode’s got meat, madness, and mild existential terror. Buckle up—or cancel us. Either way, we’re flattered. Fake adCALL OR TEXT OUR HOTLINE AND LEAVE US A MESSAGE! 817-677-0408Fort Worth MagazineBest of 2022 - Radio Personality/Podcast (Reader's Pick) Show LinksThe Funky PantherMerchYouTube

Dan Patrick’s THC Purge, Killer Drones & Steroid Olympics: Welcome to Hell, Y’all

Send us a textTexas is at war, but not with crime, poverty, or actual danger. Nope, Lt. Gov. Dan “Buzzkill” Patrick is busy trying to nuke hemp from orbit, calling regulated THC products “poisonous” without a single shred of evidence. Translation? He’s either high on his own supply of bullshit or getting off kneecapping an $8 billion industry while 53,000 jobs circle the drain.We drag this political clown show through the mud and hand the mic to real business owners, like Hometown Hero's CEO, who slap down the lies with receipts, lab tests, and common goddamn sense. Sorry, Dan, weed with QR codes isn't exactly a cartel operation.Then we dive headfirst into a Black Mirror-esque fever dream where AI might start holding humanity hostage for battery life. If your toaster sends you a ransom note, don’t say we didn’t warn you.From there, we go full shock-and-awe on Ukraine's mind-blowing drone strike deep into Russian territory—some are calling it “Pearl Harbor 2.0,” but with Wi-Fi and a kill switch. War got a software update, and it’s terrifyingly efficient.And in the “let’s see how far we can bend human biology before it snaps” category: the Enhanced Games. Think Olympics, but everyone’s juiced to the gills and no one gives a damn. Jesse Magnusson looks like he absorbed a bodybuilder and spit out an Adonis. It’s legal doping and it might be the future of sports whether you like it or not.We roundhouse kick tradition right in the teeth by asking the real questions: Why can’t football be a full-contact death match like NFL Blitz? What if basketball was just streetball with sanctioned violence? And should we finally relegate loser teams so they stop getting paid to suck?This episode is a Molotov cocktail of politics, war, AI dread, and sports on bath salts. Tune in, rage out, and embrace the end times. #DanPatrickIsHigh #THCTruthBombs #AIOverlords #DronesWithAttitude #EnhancedGamesUncensored #LetThemJuice #RelegateTheTrash #BurnThePlaybook #WTFTexas Fake adCALL OR TEXT OUR HOTLINE AND LEAVE US A MESSAGE! 817-677-0408Fort Worth MagazineBest of 2022 - Radio Personality/Podcast (Reader's Pick) Show LinksThe Funky PantherMerchYouTube

"Dead Popes, Chinese Snacks, and Daddy Issues: The Dysfunctional Reunion You Didn’t Know You Needed"

Send us a textThey vanished for two months—and no, they weren’t in rehab (probably). But now the boys are BACK, and chaos reigns supreme in Episode 197 of The Funky Panther. Think less "warm reunion" and more "group therapy session with snacks and sarcasm."Chad and Tim crawl out from their academic hellholes to humblebrag about finals, while Javier dives into the emotional minefield of health woes, family drama, and the eternal quest for a ‘Good Job, Son’ from a dad who thinks feelings are for communists.Just when you think it can’t get weirder, a random 17-year-old named Maddox calls in live to ask if Eminem is still relevant—and shocker, we actually had thoughts. Cue the hot takes and hip-hop nostalgia.Then comes the real test of friendship: Chinese snacks. Spicy konjac strips? Hawthorne fruit bars? Sounds cute until your taste buds file a formal complaint. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you might even order a mystery snack box out of morbid curiosity.We sprinkle in sports rants, rage against scalpers, and finish with a necro-courtroom drama starring a medieval pope who literally dug up a corpse to win an argument.This isn’t just a podcast—it’s a barely contained meltdown wrapped in nostalgia and dipped in absurdity. #DeadPopesAndKonjac #PodcastChaos #EmotionalDamage #HipHopHotTakes #SnackAttackShowdown Fake adCALL OR TEXT OUR HOTLINE AND LEAVE US A MESSAGE! 817-677-0408Fort Worth MagazineBest of 2022 - Radio Personality/Podcast (Reader's Pick) Show LinksThe Funky PantherMerchYouTube