Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Your Weekly Hug

Why Loving Parents Can Still Experience Estrangement, with Dr Joshua Coleman

Ask Rachel anythingWhen Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism. Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.  Dr Joshua Coleman:Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estrangedhttps://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/Teenagers Untangled Community Substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Body image, and getting teens to do chores. Vintage

Ask Rachel anythingFor all of the tips click here:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-bodyhttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewerA healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.Resources:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teensThe Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor I Thought it was just me by Brené BrownPrevious episode:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/Chores: Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Why teen friendships feel so intense, and the most important thing to say

Ask Rachel anything'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!  Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse.The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%.We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline.Megan Saxelby:https://wildfeelings.substack.com/ Rachel's Substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/The Study:https://www.nature.com/articles/s44220-022-00009-5This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Positive Parenting: Using Strengths to Motivate and Understand our Kids

Ask Rachel anythingWe want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths.Coming from a  neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus, and emotional regulation.Naomi believes that once we understand how our brain works, we can work with it—not against it this episode gives us those tips.Naomi Glover:https://neuro-informed.comFind your strengths:PARENTS: https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/pro/parentingstrengths/account/registerUNDER 18'S: https://StrengthBoostU18.pro.viasurvey.org/Top tips:Lead with strengths, not deficitsRegularly name what your teen does well (kindness, perseverance, curiosity, humour, etc.) instead of only correcting what’s missing.Swap judgment for curiosityUse phrases like “I noticed…”, “Tell me more about what happened”, and “What could we do differently next time?” to keep conversations safe and open.Use recognition as rocket fuel (especially with ADHD/RSD)Give specific, genuine praise:“That was really kind leadership when you…”“I really appreciated you helping with the washing up – that was great teamwork.”Reduce brain overload with routines and single-taskingBuild simple, predictable habits (e.g. “Saturday is bed-linen day”).Avoid multitasking; do one thing at a time and protect focus where possible.Teach nervous-system resetsUse quick tools for you and your teen:Breathing: in for 4, out for 8, 3–5 times.Nature breaks: ~20 minutes outside to reset attention and mood.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Teen safety: Predator-proof your child

Ask Rachel anythingWhile counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.In this episode we cover:What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” CommunitiesOnline vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to KnowRed Flags of Grooming in Digital SpacesDevices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming RiskBuilding “Predator-Proof” Kids Through ConnectionReclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven WorldResources:Anna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.comIWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate imagesCommon Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidancePredator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Riskhttps://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safetyProtecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act' https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safetySupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk