The Christian Habits Podcast

Emerson Eggerichs: Why You Feel Unloved in Marriage (and How to Feel Loved)

Have you ever felt unloved in marriage? Even when your spouse says that they love you? In today’s interview on the Christian Habits Podcast, I talk with bestselling author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (author of Love and Respect) about why so many couples feel disconnected—even when they both care deeply about each other. We discuss: Why you can feel unloved even when your spouse has goodwill The difference between being wrong vs. just different The common criticism–withdrawal pattern in marriage How men and women often respond differently in conflict The 15-minute rule that can help you reconnect How to approach difficult conversations in a healthier way One of the most freeing ideas from this conversation is that many marriage struggles aren’t about one person being wrong—but about seeing things differently and learning how to navigate those differences with wisdom and grace. If you want a more peaceful, connected relationship, this conversation will give you practical tools and a fresh perspective. About Emerson Eggerichs Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country. This dynamic and life-changing conference is impacting the world, resulting in the healing and restoration of countless relationships. Dr. Eggerichs has authored many books, including the national bestseller Love & Respect, which is a Platinum and Book of the Year award winner, selling over 2.3 million copies. Emerson is the Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries and Sarah serves as Vice President. Married since 1973, they live in Grand Rapids, MI and have three adult children. Learn more about Emerson Eggerichs and his book Lightbulb Moments in Marriage: https://www.loveandrespect.com How to Listen to This Podcast Episode Listen or subscribe on YouTube. (You can also watch the podcast on YouTube now!) Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Listen or subscribe on Android. Listen or subscribe on Spotify. Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.” The post Emerson Eggerichs: Why You Feel Unloved in Marriage (and How to Feel Loved) appeared first on Barb Raveling.

New Series: How to Renew Your Mind So You Can Actually Change

One of the comments I get most often is this: “I’ve been a Christian for years… why am I still struggling with this?” Have you ever asked that question? If so, you’re not alone! Maybe there’s a habit you can’t seem to break. Or an emotion that keeps showing up — anxiety, anger, insecurity, envy, sadness. You want to change, but you’re not sure how. Or maybe you already know how to renew your mind, but you can’t seem to make yourself do it consistently. Over the years, God has shown me that real change happens when we 1) learn how to renew our minds — taking off lies and putting on truth — and 2) develop a habit of renewing consistently. When we begin to see life from God’s perspective instead of our own, our desires, emotions, and actions start to change too. So today I’m excited to share a new 4-part YouTube series called: How to Renew Your Mind So You Can Actually Change In this series I’ll share: • what renewing the mind actually means• practical tools you can use to renew your mind daily• how to partner with God for change• what to expect when you pursue transformation Here’s the first video in the series: Week 1 – How to Renew Your Mind (Biblical Process for Real Change) A Renewing Your Mind Project If you’d like to follow along with this series, I encourage you to choose one area of your life where you’d like to see change. It could be: • a negative emotion (anxiety, anger, insecurity, discouragement)• a habit you want to break• a situation or relationship that keeps upsetting you (you would renew about any emotion that comes up in that situation) Then begin noticing the thoughts that go through your mind when that struggle appears. When the emotion rises…or when the urge to do the habit shows up… pause and ask yourself: “What am I thinking right now?” That awareness is the first step in renewing your mind. In the next videos, I’ll share practical tools to help you replace those thoughts with truth and partner with God in the transformation process. New videos in the series will release each Saturday at noon EST. Here’s the link for today’s video: Week 1 – How to Renew Your Mind (Biblical Process for Real Change). Next in the YouTube series:Coming March 14 – 3 Tools to Renew Your Mind Daily The post New Series: How to Renew Your Mind So You Can Actually Change appeared first on Barb Raveling.

Joshua Becker: How Minimalism Brings Us Closer to God

What if clutter isn’t just about having too much stuff—but about what’s quietly pulling us away from the things that matter most to us? In today’s episode of the Christian Habits Podcast, I visit with Joshua Becker, bestselling author and founder of Becoming Minimalist,  about how clutter affects our lives and our faith. We explore why change feels so hard, how clutter quietly distracts us from spiritual growth, and why Jesus’ teachings on possessions are an invitation—not a burden. If you’ve ever felt stuck, distracted, or weighed down by “too much”—this conversation you and give you practical next steps. In my interview with Joshua Becker, we discuss: Why clutter can quietly drain our time, energy, and spiritual focus How Jesus’ teachings on possessions invite us into a better life—not a miserable one Why change feels so hard (and why that doesn’t mean we’re failing) How minimalism reshapes the way we define success The connection between clutter, overwhelm, and spiritual growth Practical first steps for decluttering without feeling overwhelmed Why minimalism looks different for every person and season of life About Joshua Becker JOSHUA BECKER is the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website dedicated to inspiring others to find more life by owning less. The website welcomes over 1M readers each month and has inspired millions around the world to consider the practical benefits of owning fewer possessions and given them the practical help to get started.  He is an international speaker and the USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of several books including Uncluttered Faith: Own Less, Love More, and Make an Impact in Your World. He’s also the founder of The Hope Effect, a nonprofit changing how the world cares for orphans.  He lives in Peoria, Arizona with his family. Resources mentioned: BecomingMinimalist.com Uncluttered Faith by Joshua Becker Joshua’s YouTube channel Barb’s YouTube channel How to Listen to This Podcast Episode Listen or subscribe on YouTube. (You can also watch the podcast on YouTube now!) Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Listen or subscribe on Android. Listen or subscribe on Spotify. Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.” The post Joshua Becker: How Minimalism Brings Us Closer to God appeared first on Barb Raveling.

Lie: This Year Will Be Different… Right?

Every January, we feel it: fresh starts, new motivation, and the quiet confidence that this year will be different. We make lists, set goals, and imagine a better version of ourselves waiting just around the corner. And yet, for many of us, a few weeks or months later, we’re right back where we started—discouraged, frustrated, and wondering why change feels so hard. If you’ve ever told yourself “This year will be different” and then watched nothing really change, this post is for you. Where the Belief ‘This Year Will Be’ Different’Comes From The belief “this year will be different” usually comes from New Year’s euphoria. Everything feels possible. Our goals feel exciting instead of heavy. It’s like standing at an all‑you‑can‑eat buffet of goals—career, health, habits, relationships, spiritual growth—and piling our plates high. This belief also shows up anytime we start something new: A new habit or routine A new time‑management system A new food or exercise plan A new Bible reading plan A new season of life or relationship We assume that because the thing is new, the outcome will be new. But there’s one thing we forget. The Part We Carry Into Every New Start No matter how new the system, plan, or habit is… we bring ourselves into it. If we approach new goals with the same patterns, the same expectations, and the same mindset we’ve always used, the results won’t change—no matter how fresh the calendar feels. As the saying (often attributed to Einstein) goes: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So the real truth is this: This year will only be different if we approach things differently. Why ‘This Year Will Be Different’ Usually Fails Let’s be honest about some common patterns that quietly sabotage our goals. 1. Too Many Goals Many of us create long, impressive goal lists—so long they’re impossible to sustain. The result? We complete the easy or fun goals and ignore the rest. The unfinished goals linger all year, quietly fueling guilt and discouragement. 2. Relying on Willpower Alone We assume writing a goal down will magically produce motivation. But willpower is unreliable, especially in areas we’ve never been consistent in before. Expecting sudden willpower is setting ourselves up to fail. 3. Doing It All on Our Own Some goals can be done privately with God alone, but many are easier—and more sustainable—with support. Isolation often makes change heavier than it needs to be. 4. Expecting Fast and Easy Change When change doesn’t come quickly, we interpret struggle as failure. Discouragement sets in, and quitting feels logical—even inevitable. What Actually Makes ‘This Year Will Be Different’ Come True If we want this year to be different in a real, lasting way, we need to change how we approach change itself. 1. Choose Fewer, Smaller Goals Instead of a full year packed with resolutions, consider quarterly goals. Shorter time frames make goals feel more realistic and manageable. A helpful structure: One main goal ( a one and done goal even though it may require upkeep – could do 2/3 if you’re an advanced goal accomplisher) One habit goal (an ongoing habit) Maintain a few habits you already have Less is often more. 2. Combine Practical Tools and Spiritual Renewal Most meaningful goals require both: Practically: Break goals into small steps. Learn routines and time‑management skills Create systems that reduce decision fatigue (I teach all of these in my How to Stop Procrastinating course.) Spiritually: Renew your mind when you can’t make yourself work on your goal. Identify the beliefs fueling your habits. Partner with God instead of relying on sheer effort. (I teach how to do this in my How to Stop Procrastinating course.) Scripture reminds us that transformation happens through the renewing of the mind—not just trying harder. 3. Expect It to Take Time (and Include Failure) Lasting change is a process. You will fail along the way. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you’re human. Failure becomes destructive only when we let it lead to quitting. With God’s help, failure can become feedback instead of a verdict. 4. Don’t Do It Alone Support matters. Whether it’s a local group, an online community, or structured accountability, having others alongside you lightens the load. That said, the most consistent support comes from walking closely with God—talking honestly with Him, renewing your mind, and persevering together. A Word of Encouragement for the Journey The goal isn’t instant transformation. The goal is faithful perseverance. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9 Your future self will thank you—not for being perfect, but for not giving up. More than that, the journey itself draws you closer to God, who is ultimately in charge of the results. This year can be different—but not because the calendar changed. It will be different because you approached it differently, with honesty, wisdom, and God’s help. How to Stop Procrastinating Course If you’d like help with a difficult goal—so that this year really can be different— my online course will help. In addition to on-demand videos and practical, hands-on assignments, I’ll also be hosting some online “work parties” in January of 2026 for those enrolled in the class to work on your hard-to-make-yourself-do goals! Click on the image below for more info. How to Listen to This Podcast Episode Listen or subscribe on YouTube. (You can also watch the podcast on YouTube now!) Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Listen or subscribe on Android. Listen or subscribe on Spotify. Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.” The post Lie: This Year Will Be Different… Right? appeared first on Barb Raveling.

Lie: It Shouldn’t Be This Hard to Change

A couple of months ago, I sent out a survey asking which lies people struggle with the most—today’s lie came in #1: “It shouldn’t be this hard to change.”  The next two? “I’ll never change” and “I can’t do this anyway, so why bother?” What’s interesting is that those second two lies come after repeated failure. But today’s lie—“It shouldn’t be this hard to change”—actually causes the failure. Why? Because if we believe change should be easy, we won’t put in the work required for real transformation. Let’s dig into this idea and replace the lie with biblical truth. Why We Believe Change Should Be Easy This lie shows up most often when we’re trying to break a habit—but typically only at the very beginning of the journey. Once you’ve worked on change long enough, you learn (from experience!) that change is supposed to be hard. But if you’re new to the process or haven’t seen much progress yet, you’re far more likely to believe the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. So where does this belief come from? 1. Our Culture—Especially Marketing We live in a world that constantly tells us: Buy this product. Start this program. Take this course. It will be easy! Marketing promises quick, effortless transformation. That seeps into our thinking, so we assume change should just “happen”—no struggle, no sacrifice. It shouldn’t be hard to change… 2. Misunderstanding Christian Growth Sometimes, in the church, we unintentionally absorb the belief that spiritual growth should be easy, too—almost effortless. We think if we go to church, join a Bible study, or attend a small group, we’ll naturally glide into spiritual maturity. But that’s not how the Bible describes transformation. It uses words like training, fighting, resisting, disciplining, and battling. Real change takes intentional effort, spiritual weapons, and daily engagement with God. We Also Misunderstand What “Hard Work” Really Is Many of us think trying our hardest means “showing up,” like my husband did one day in high school when he told his mom he got a C on a test. “Well, you tried your best,” she said—except he hadn’t studied at all. Lesson learned? That effort meant simply being present. But effort is more than that, especially in spiritual growth. Breaking a stronghold, uprooting a generational sin, rewiring long-held thought patterns, or resisting a habit you’ve practiced for decades—all of that is hard work. A More Accurate Picture: Training for a Marathon If someone told you to run a marathon in six months, you wouldn’t think, “I’ll just show up that day.” You’d know it required effort, planning, discipline, and sacrifice. Yet we rarely apply that same mindset to our spiritual or emotional habits—even though the Bible clearly portrays transformation as a spiritual battle. The Truth We Need If I’m trying to change a stronghold, a generational sin, a long-term habit, or a behavior fueled by years of thinking, it will be extremely hard—and that’s completely normal. Hard doesn’t mean impossible. Hard doesn’t mean God isn’t with you. Hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Hard simply means you’re fighting a real battle. What the Bible Says About Hard Change Hebrews 12 is a perfect picture of this struggle. It reminds us that resisting sin is painful, that discipline doesn’t feel good in the moment, and that even Jesus sweat drops of blood in His fight against temptation. But it also reminds us that discipline produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those trained by it (Hebrews 12:11). That harvest is coming—if we don’t give up. How to Renew Your Mind for This Lie When it comes to working hard on growth in the areas God wants us to change, that hard work looks like lots of renewing our mind—multiple times a day.  Towards the end of the podcast episode, I share some different ways to renew your mind for the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. I give an example for Scripture meditation, truth journaling, and using the Tired of the Struggle questions from my book, Renewing of the Project. Here are the truths I shared in the podcast as examples of what you could write down when you’re truth journaling the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. The last truth is a truth journal entry from my 2002 journal! : Belief: It shouldn’t be this hard to change. Truths: That’s crazy. Of course it’s this hard to change! I’ve been doing this for 40 years now! It’s hard to change years and years of thinking one way and doing things one way because of the thoughts. If I want to change I need to get down to the fundamentals and change the way I think. That is not going to be easy. It’s not that hard to make dinner, change my clothes, or play a game. It IS hard to break free from a stronghold or a generational sin. And it’s crazy hard to change years and years of the same old thoughts that are fueling the negative emotions that are driving this behavior Of course it’s going to take work to change! I’m being delusional when I think it won’t! If it was hard for Jesus – who was 100% God in addition to being 100% man – to withstand temptation, how hard will it be for me?! He sweat tears of blood in his fight against sin. Can I not at the very minimum renew my mind 2-3 times a day to fight this behavior? Thanks be to God, He know exactly what I’m going through and is willing to help. But he expects me to work alongside him. Barb’s Journal – 1/18/02 (23 years ago!!!) – Belief: Losing weight should be easy and fun – so should everything else in life! I shouldn’t have to suffer. [I hadn’t refined truth journaling yet as I wrote just one truth for three sentences!] TRUTH: It should be easy and fun, but it’s not! It may be that way for people who like to exercise and thrive on that sort of thing, but not for me. For me it is TORTURE and MISERY!!! Expect it!! [Note: tell them I didn’t really write the truth – I no longer believe it should be fun and easy – so God sometimes gives us truth in layers. For those who say they don’t know what the truth is – if you keep going God will show you it at a deeper and deeper level. Listen to the podcast for more insights and to renew your mind along with me! If you have a friend who is struggling with change in some area of their lives, please share this post or podcast episode with them. How to Listen to the Podcast Listen or subscribe on YouTube. Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Listen or subscribe on Android. Listen or subscribe on Spotify. Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.” The post Belief: It Shouldn’t Be This Hard to Change appeared first on Barb Raveling.