The Psychology of Resentment: Over-Functioning, Repression, and Repair

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the silent killer of relationships: resentment. They discuss resentment as a combination of perceived grievance (“I was wronged”) and helplessness (“and I can’t fix it”), before talking about how over-functioning and control tendencies can lead to resentment in relationships - one person shoulders more of the load while quietly stewing about it. Topics include the role of rumination in keeping resentment alive, the difference between legitimate grievances and toxic rumination, and why resentment can feel protective. Rick shares a step-by-step framework for handling resentment when repair isn’t possible, while Forrest highlights how communication and claiming agency can be powerful antidotes.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro

04:14: Legitimate grievances vs. unhealthy resentment

09:44: How perceptions of injustice and helplessness fuel resentment

20:04: Claiming your agency

34:41: How to work through resentment with others

50:11: How to work through resentment when you can’t work through it with others

1:02:51: Recap Grief and Loss Course: In this four-week online program Rick will help you soothe emotional pain, find perspective and meaning, and hold whatever happened with acceptance and compassion. Learn more at RickHanson.com/loss and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

 

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