Iron Sharpens Iron?

Last week, we talked about how relationships are not crockpots and that when it comes to homeschooling, you can't set it and forget it. Because as Stephen Covey said with people, “Slow is fast and fast is slow.” Relationships take a lot of care.

Even if you're a checklist-loving homeschool mom–and that is me, definitely. I am a checklist-loving homeschool mom–you gotta adjust your expectations a little bit. 

Because yes, homeschoolers use curriculum, we use lesson plans, we use checklists. I use all of those things every day in my homeschool. But homeschooling is not about curriculum or lesson plans or checklists. Those are tools that we can use to help us homeschool, but homeschooling itself is about relationships. 

I referenced a G.K. Chesterton quote last week. It's one of my very favorites. "There is a tendency to forget that the school is only a preparation for the home, and not the home a mere jumping-off place for the school." 

That quote puts things in place. It puts home above school. And it also reminds us what it's oriented for. Home is oriented for relationships. School is oriented toward home, which is oriented towards relationships. 

What we're really aiming for in education is not workplace readiness, even though we want our kids to have the skills and tools they need to be successful in their adult lives across a wide range of things, whether that's work or citizenship or raising a family. But we want our kids to have skills for thriving, happy, warm relationships most of all. Their relationships with God, their relationships with each other, their relationships with books and ideas. 

We can often slip into thinking that the purpose of a good education is to help our kids get good jobs. That's definitely the message of the wider world in our society. Right now, at this point in time, that hasn't always been the case, but right now in this juncture of time, the message is usually a good education helps your kid get a good job. 

But a good job that your child will enjoy will only impact their future happiness and joy so much. We do want them to have jobs they enjoy and the skills for that, but we know that there is something bigger and more important than whether they get a job that they love. 

One of the biggest, most important things is that they have successful relationships because successful relationships have a substantially larger impact all across their lives. And if a person can navigate relationships, a good job is probably something they can navigate as well. 

The Bible verse that I think most closely speaks to this is actually a proverb. It comes from Proverbs 27:17: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

What does that mean, though? You and I have probably heard that verse like a million times without really thinking about it.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

Let's think about the sharpening of a sword for a moment. You can kind of imagine a steady, rhythmic sharpening, right? The sound of metal against stone. Each stroke of the sword across the whetstone making it sharper, stronger. Is this a gentle thing? Is this a harmonious thing? No, there's friction. There's two hard things butting up against each other. There's friction and sparks. Even the process is gritty and deliberate. It's loud. It requires patience. But bit by bit and stroke by stroke the rough edges are worn down and that blade becomes keen and ready for its purpose.

This is not a gentle process. Iron sharpening iron is not comfortable, it's grating. So when the proverb says, as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another, we would do well to realize this is not a sweet harmonious experience. This is a marriage argument. This is sibling bickering. This is family tension.

 Just like that sword on the whetstone, we sharpen each other in relationship. We rub up against each other's rough edges, challenging and pushing each other, often in ways we didn't expect. But it's through that very process, that interaction, that we're refining each other. We're growing stronger. We're becoming the best versions of ourselves.

And where better to do this than at home? Where the ones who are sharpening you, and who you're being sharpened by, are also the ones that you love most of all. 

Homeschooling is about relationships. It's about living and learning alongside our kids in a way that lets us grow and sharpen together.

And I think sometimes when we hear, "Homeschooling is about relationships," we imagine that Instagram post where everyone's snuggled up on the couch, reading together, or sitting outside, having a lovely picnic in the setting sun, or catching tadpoles in the creek when everyone's getting along. That's not iron sharpening iron.

Sharpening iron is not harmonious or sweet. It has those moments, sure. But as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. So yes, there are going to be days of tension, days of friction, but these are moments of refining like a blade on the stone.

We can come away from this kind of experience a little more ready, a little more capable, a little more prepared for the purpose set before us, and so will our kids.

So when there are sibling squabbles and we think, "Man, I could homeschool really well if just my kids would get along." No. Your blade doesn't become sharper, and neither does theirs, unless there's iron sharpening iron here.

Today I want to take just a minute to consider what this might mean for my homeschool and for yours. So grab your notebook or journal, or you can open the notes app on your phone, whatever method you prefer, and you could do right now, without putting this aside for later.

For the next three minutes or so, we can jot down whatever comes to mind when we consider that iron sharpening iron might, in fact, be the principal purpose of homeschooling and that such an endeavor might not realistically be expected to be constantly joyous or easy or gentle or harmonious. 

What's coming to mind for you? How are you feeling about all this as I'm talking? Write it all down. Here's three minutes.

I want to know what's coming up for you as you think about this, so come on over to the forum and tell us. Just head to the Circle with Sarah section in the forum. You'll see where we're discussing it. I hope that reflecting on the fact that homeschooling is about relationships and that relationships are never easy, can never be put on autopilot, they're not crockpots, you can't set it and forget it; no, they're more often iron sharpening iron–like sharpening a sword on a whetstone, helps you realize something. 

I hope that helps you realize that even on the days when you don't feel like you're accomplishing much and maybe you're extra frustrated by the disharmony or the frustration, the bickering, the tension in relationships in your home–there's more happening here than meets the eye. It's still worth it. Homeschooling is about relationships and you were made for these relationships and this homeschool. I'll be back here next week. I'm praying for you. Have a great one.