Do I Matter? The Mattering Instinct with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein | 387

If you’ve ever wondered “Do I actually matter?” — not in a motivational-poster way, but in the deep, existential, 3am-staring-at-the-ceiling way — this episode is for you.

In this powerful conversation, Nicole Kalil sits down with Rebecca Neuberger Goldstein, award-winning philosopher and author of The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us, to unpack one of the most fundamental human needs: the need to matter.

Together, they explore why mattering may be even more essential than happiness, how our desire to matter shapes our lives, relationships, and conflicts, and why the pressure to prove our worth often leads to comparison, competition, and division. Rebecca introduces the concept of “mattering projects” — the deeply personal ways we justify our lives to ourselves — and why there is no single “right” way to matter.

This episode challenges the idea that mattering is loud, performative, or scarce, and reframes it as an inside-out experience rooted in integrity, connection, and self-justification — not productivity, perfection, or approval.

💥 What we cover:

• Why the need to matter may be more fundamental than the need to be happy

• The difference between fleeting happiness and long-term flourishing

• What a “mattering project” is — and how to recognize yours

• Why comparison and competition distort our sense of worth

• How mattering becomes dangerous when treated as a zero-sum game

• Why the person you most need to matter to… is you

• How women have been taught to confuse usefulness with worth

• The ethical guardrail: you matter and so does everyone else

Mattering isn’t about being extraordinary, productive, or universally admired — it’s about living in alignment with what you can justify to yourself. You matter not because you prove it, but because you’re here, shaping lives through how you live, lead, and relate.

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Connect with Rebecca

Website: https://rebeccagoldstein.com/ 

Book: https://rebeccagoldstein.com/the-mattering-instinct/ 

Substack: https://rebeccanewbergergoldstein.substack.com/ 

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