LW - Closeness To the Issue (Part 5 of ”The Sense Of Physical Necessity”) by LoganStrohl

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Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Closeness To the Issue (Part 5 of "The Sense Of Physical Necessity"), published by LoganStrohl on March 9, 2024 on LessWrong.
This is the fifth post in a sequence that demonstrates a complete naturalist study, specifically a study of query hugging (sort of), as described in The Nuts and Bolts of Naturalism. This one continues my demo of phases one and two: Locating Fulcrum Experiences and Getting Your Eyes On. For context on this sequence, see the intro post. Reminder that this is meant as reference material.
Before throwing in the towel, I thought I might as well try talking things through with ChatGPT.
Why? I think it was just something I was doing a lot at the time. "Not sure how to proceed? Throw GPT4 at it for a while and see what happens." I didn't expect anything in particular from the activity.
As it turns out, I can probably count on one hand the number of work-related discussions that have been as useful to me as this one - which probably says as much about my social deficits as it does about GPT4's abilities. It talked me around, and I un-gave-up.
The most important part was using GPT as a Focusing partner. I did a (mostly) canonical version of Gendlin's Focusing, and came to understand that I was struggling with the balancing act between authenticity and legibility. I decided to almost completely abandon legibility.
The relevant section of chat log:
(Note: Often, ChatGPT suddenly turns into a mini encyclopedia entry. I fondly imagine an excited nerdy 12-year-old trying to get full marks on an essay at these moments. Despite considering them extraneous to me personally, since it's giving me background on terms I have chosen myself, I've left these parts in as potentially valuable context for onlookers, but I've italicized them so you can skip them if you'd prefer.)
Logan
I'm going to try a little bit of "focusing" a la Eugene Gendlin, to get in touch with whatever it is I want to work out. Please be a focusing partner.
I feel a forward pressure, and another pressure holding that back. It's primarily in my chest and solar plexus. The forward pressure reminds me of stamping feet, raring to go, frustration, almost desperation. It has a couple of layers, I think, as though something is trying to hide. The "desperation" is from a lower layer than the "raring to go". I get a felt shift when I think "I feel afraid". I feel afraid that I am done, it is over, I can no longer do or make or think.
I feel afraid that I will never make progress again.
The forward pressure in my chest responded a lot to that last sentence. There was a release, and I exhaled tension.
ChatGPT
Thank you for sharing your experience in real-time. It sounds like a potent mix of emotions and sensations you're navigating through.
The concept of "focusing" as developed by Eugene Gendlin involves tapping into our bodily sense of particular issues or feelings, the "felt sense", and trying to articulate or resonate with that feeling until there's a shift or clarification. It's an internal process, but sharing it, especially with a partner, can provide reflection and sometimes help articulate or pinpoint what's happening within.
The forward pressure you describe, with its layers of "raring to go" and "desperation," seems to be a complex feeling, perhaps with multiple facets or sources. And your identification of the underlying fear - that you may not progress or contribute again - seems to be a significant realization. It's commendable that you're confronting these feelings head-on and seeking clarity.
How are you feeling now after the release you mentioned? Are there more sensations or feelings that you want to explore further or share?
Logan
Yes, I want to feel into the "holding back" pressure.
The "holding back" feels more like it's on the outside of my body. Like a wall, or a hand on my chest. I...