Love and Porn

All over the world, a million laptops snap shut as partners walk into a room unexpectedly, and red-faced viewers tell shamefaced and barefaced lies about what they have been watching.

Pornography is perhaps the biggest disavowed activity on the planet. It is also one of the most lucrative, with estimates for its worth varying from $10 billion-$100 billion per annum worldwide.

Given that much of it is conducted and produced secretly, we will probably never know the true figure. What we do know, however, is that a great many people make use of it.

Generally, the concerns expressed and written about are concerned with how this ubiquity is conditioning young people’s minds. What has not been looked at quite so much is older people’s use of it and the impact that it has on their relationships

In this episode, we interview Wendy Maltz, author of the book The Porn Trap and a retired therapist specialising in the areas of sex and pornography. She points out the damage that is done when one discovers the others use of pornography after sometimes very many years. Indeed some peoples “stash" is not discovered until after death. This leads people to think long and hard about who it is – or indeed was – they have spent their life with. This is the pernicious effect of pornography, undermining as it does the space for intimacy and closeness between people. Again we see that what is necessary is for people to have the courage to talk about their desires with their partners and to find a way of being in those desires together. Communication is the key!

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