#266 You WANT to Need (& Be Needed By) Your Spouse -- How & Why to Be Interdependent Instead of Autonomous

2024-06-20

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"I have a follow-up question to podcast 264. Greg talked about kids being more autonomous, but that you don't want your spouse to be autonomous. This is a new concept to me. What I've heard (from [well-known life coach]) is that since you can't control circumstances that you need to change the way you think about them so that you are OK with your circumstances instead of being discouraged or saddened by them. So, I have, in some ways, done this with my husband, so that I won't be...

"I have a follow-up question to podcast 264. Greg talked about kids being more autonomous, but that you don't want your spouse to be autonomous. This is a new concept to me. What I've heard (from [well-known life coach]) is that since you can't control circumstances that you need to change the way you think about them so that you are OK with your circumstances instead of being discouraged or saddened by them.

So, I have, in some ways, done this with my husband, so that I won't be bothered by things he does or doesn't do. I'm wondering now if that was a mistake. I just don't want to be one of those wives that is constantly getting after her husband and being critical of him because I know that criticism from a spouse is hard and can hurt. I'd rather my husband feel like I'm his cheerleader. I know for myself when people see the good in me I am encouraged to do better, and when people are critical of me it can feel discouraging."

In this episode, Greg and Rachel answer this question and discuss the importance of being interdependent with your spouse instead of independent.

They emphasize that being interdependent is key to creating an extraordinary marriage and adds layers of vulnerability, intimacy, and connection. They criticize the half-truths taught by some coaches and experts, stating that while it may produce short-term results, it doesn't address the underlying issues.

They stress the need to understand the real underlying problems in a marriage and to have open and honest dialogue with your spouse.

They also discuss the differences between men and women in terms of emotions and the significance of stability and constancy in a relationship.

In this conversation, Greg and Rachel discuss the importance of addressing underlying sources of frustration in a marriage and finding the balance between being critical/providing feedback and being a cheerleader for your spouse.

They emphasize the need for constructive criticism and setting firm boundaries when necessary. They also highlight the significance of interdependence and the vulnerability that comes with needing each other in a marriage.

They caution against becoming too autonomous and seeking emotional support or validation from sources outside of the marriage. Overall, they stress the importance of open communication and working together to create an extraordinary marriage.

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