Is My Partner Lying About His Porn Use? How Can I Know?

How do you know if your partner is telling you the truth about his porn use and other sexual behaviors?  A PBSE listener recently submitted this question and expressed her pain and confusion in a very raw and authentic way.  In this episode, Mark and Steve provide some guidance—

Is “pornified” (objectified) language and behavior an indication he is still acting out?

• In many cases, yes.
• Regardless of acting out, it's a clear sign that there are warped and unhealthy views about sex, sexuality in general, and that he is NOT placing his partner's needs and wants as the first priority. 

Can someone stop their porn addiction without help?

• It's rare, but remember, even IF he stops on his own—Sobriety is NOT recovery.
• They can stop, but can they really change? This is less likely. 

What are other signs of ongoing porn use/acting out?

• There are many: emotional variability/radical mood swings; lack of healthy coping skills; distorted views on sexuality/healthy sexual norms; abnormal changes in sexual routines; sexual aggression; low self esteem and self worth; lots of guilt and shame around the topic of sexuality and recovery in general.
• These aren’t guaranteed signs, but are all serious red flags. Taking all the signs you see into account, along with your own "gut" and intuition, you will likely be pretty close to the truth. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Note sure if you have a porn addiction? Here's a chart that will help you self-assess—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Here's an article that will help you balance your own healing from Betrayal Trauma with providing support for your addict spouse in recovery—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault