011: Brad’s Story: ‘I Got This’ Is Not a Step

This episode was recorded the day after Brad celebrated 24 years of sobriety, and he packs a lot of experience, honesty, wisdom, and humor into his story. Brad tells us about his drug and alcohol abuse and the insanity of addiction. A native New Yorker, Brad attended one of his first 12-step meetings at the Jewish Y on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which was, ironically, the same place where he had been a camper and camp counselor as a kid. He talks about how cocaine and alcohol initially seemed to help him overcome his social anxiety and insecurity before they started destroying his life. He also explains how, despite being a ‘really good dreamer’, recovery has actually given him a life beyond his wildest dreams.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• The "Special" Addict: Brad’s initial—and ongoing—arrogance in recovery, believing he needed two meetings a week because he "picked up the material quickly."
• Dry vs. Sober: The distinct difference between being "dry" (refraining from substances but still a "nasty motherfucker") for two years versus true sobriety.
• Financial Rock Bottoms: The insane reality of owing the IRS $140,000 in back taxes due to active addiction, and the constant fear of eviction.
• The Brick Wall Metaphor: How active addiction felt like chipping away at his life, brick by brick, until there was only a gaping hole left.
• The Therapist's Blind Spot: The shocking moment his trusted psychologist admitted he never knew Brad had a substance problem, highlighting the depth of Brad's denial and ability to mask his addiction.
• The Journey from Unmanageable to Unbearable: Realizing that his life had been "unmanageable" since childhood, but that he only sought help when it became truly "unbearable."

Memorable Quotes:

• “When I drank my first beer, Brad had fucking arrived. I was a different guy. I could do anything, say anything, think anything.”
• “All I want is to be happy in Hollywood sign size letters.”
• “By the way, ’I got this’ is not a step."
• “We said partying the same way I used to call drinks cocktails, you know, to make it look and seem more elegant than it really was. But every time I went out there, I was abusing my body.”
• I know it's a matter of time before they [the police] break in, so I'm going to hide the cocaine… Five minutes later, I wanted to do cocaine. I forget where. I hid it. And I start ripping my apartment apart. Yeah, I'm a catch.”
• “A guy in a meeting one time says, ‘he was born a happy kid, and then the hospital made him go home with his parents.’”
• “I said after that hangover, which was demoralizing, I would never drink again, which I didn’t…for two weeks”
• "I didn't even think it was an issue, that's how much of an issue it was.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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