Let’s Get Practical: Conflict, Needs, and the Communication Types

2026-06-02

Download

Have you ever known something was broken in a relationship but had no idea how to say what you actually needed to fix it? That's where so many of us get stuck. This week, Candace and communication coach Jason VanRuler move from understanding the PATHS types to putting them to work, starting with a listener question about a family conflict that has been festering for twenty years. Jason reframes the whole thing: the problem is rarely that people won't talk. It's that they don't know what they need in order to move forward. The...

Have you ever known something was broken in a relationship but had no idea how to say what you actually needed to fix it? That's where so many of us get stuck.

This week, Candace and communication coach Jason VanRuler move from understanding the PATHS types to putting them to work, starting with a listener question about a family conflict that has been festering for twenty years. Jason reframes the whole thing: the problem is rarely that people won't talk. It's that they don't know what they need in order to move forward.

The conversation moves through how each communication type engages with conflict, from the Peacemaker who needs reassurance that the relationship will survive the hard conversation, to the Advocate who can throw the whole relationship away for the win, to the Thinker who arrives with a trolley of evidence, to the Harbor who creates so much space for feelings that the conflict never actually gets resolved, to the Spark who surprises everyone when the intensity finally breaks.

Jason also addresses what to do when the other person simply is not willing, and how to tell the difference between what we want and what we actually need.

Two more listener questions round out the episode: a mom whose first-grade son keeps getting excluded, and a teenage girl named Blythe navigating anxiety. Jason's answer to both comes back to the same thing. Confidence rooted in identity. When we know who we are and what we stand for, rejection still hurts, but it doesn't define us. And for the teenage girl spinning in worry? Noting the anxiety and then redirecting that energy somewhere useful turns out to be far more effective than overthinking it.

Download the free Healthy Connection Guide at candace.com, where you can also submit questions for future episodes. For Jason's "Communicate to Connect" video guide, go to candacecbure.com/together

Life is like a rollercoaster, but it's better when we go through it together!

Connect with Candace and Jason