Shame & The Healing Backslide: Why It’s Normal to Revisit Old Patterns with Sabrina Trobak

Kyira reconnects with Sabrina Trobak, registered counselor, clinical supervisor, and author of Not Good Enough, to explore what happens when healing isn’t linear. Together, they unpack the moments that feel like setbacks—when shame whispers, “I should know better”—and reframe them as invitations to deepen awareness and meet ourselves with compassion. They discuss core beliefs like “not good enough” and the ways we distract through busyness, anger, or perfectionism. Sabrina offers tools—emotions lists, curiosity over judgment, and boundaries—to help listeners move from self-criticism toward understanding and remember that healing unfolds layer by layer, not all at once.

Key Takeaways

• Healing isn’t linear—it’s layered. Progress includes revisiting old wounds. Each return offers new insight rather than evidence of failure.
• Core beliefs drive reactivity. Many of our frustrations, anxieties, and people-pleasing tendencies stem from internalized beliefs like I’m not good enough. Awareness is the first step to softening their grip.
• Judgment fuels shame; curiosity dissolves it. The shift from “Why did I do that?” to “What made me do that?” opens the door to compassion and lasting change.
• Boundaries come later in healing. Setting and maintaining boundaries requires self-trust and belief in your own worth—it’s not a starting point but an evolution of inner work.
• Emotional avoidance keeps us stuck. Busyness, anger, and even perfectionism often mask discomfort and vulnerability. Slowing down to feel is the real work.
• Relapse or regression is not failure. When familiar coping mechanisms resurface, it’s a cue—not a condemnation. These moments signal areas that need attention, not judgment.
• Awareness tools can ground healing. Using an emotions list, journaling, or listing triggers and connected core beliefs can help map what’s happening beneath the surface.
• Loneliness begins within. Feeling lonely isn’t about who’s around us—it’s about our relationship with ourselves. The more content we become internally, the less we seek external validation.
• The goal isn’t perfection—it’s peace. The more we accept that healing is lifelong, the less pressure we feel to “arrive.” Contentment exists in the middle, not at the end.
• Curiosity is the antidote to shame. Meeting your behaviors and emotions with openness rather than judgment transforms self-criticism into empowerment.

More about Sabrina:

I am a registered counsellor and is the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety. I am also a clinical supervisor and public speaker with a masters in counseling psychology. Prior to becoming a counsellor, I was a teacher, vice principal and school counselor for over 20 years. I have extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma has on a person including anxiety and core belief.

Connect with Sabrina:

• Website
• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website