Self-Help Without Other People Is Just Selfish — and Here’s the Science to Prove It | Dan Harris

2026-08-07

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Dan doesn't usually sit in the interviewee's chair — but when journalist and author Allison Gilbert invited him to speak at the 92nd Street Y as part of their Connected Lives series, he said yes. What followed was one of the more wide-ranging conversations Dan has had about his own practice, his own anxieties, and why he's become convinced that inner work divorced from relationships is just selfishness dressed up as self-care. The evening also included a guided loving-kindness meditation — metta practice — that Dan led live with the audience. They talked about:

They talked about:

Why Dan thinks the meditation world's PR problem has shifted — it's no longer "this is weird hippie stuff," it's "I get it, but I personally can't do it"
The upward spiral: how taking care of your mind improves your relationships, which improves your inner weather, which improves your relationships further — and the "toilet vortex" that runs in the opposite direction
Free-range mindfulness: why brushing your teeth or standing in a grocery line can rewire your brain just like formal seated practice
The self-compassion toolkit — Kristin Neff's three-step practice, distanced self-talk, and why putting your hand on your heart is "cheesy as f*ck" but actually works
Joseph Goldstein's single best question for breaking an anxiety loop: "Is this useful?"
Why micro-interactions — with your doorman, your barista, a stranger on the elevator — are one of the most underrated sources of happiness

Allison Gilbert is a journalist, author, and the creator of The Joy of Connections, a book and companion app designed to help people build more meaningful relationships. She writes and speaks about human connection, grief, and resilience. Learn more at allisongilbert.com.

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