Welcome to episode #177! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Javier and Shannan from 24/7 Marriage about differences in our libidos. Everyone is different in this areaIt's rare that you will have a “matching” season of life in regards to your libido. Sometimes your libido is up while your spouse’s is down and vice versa. It's important to work together and through those differences. When working through and talking about these differences, be careful not to come into the conversation defensive. Take a step ...
Welcome to episode #177! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Javier and Shannan from 24/7 Marriage about differences in our libidos.
Everyone is different in this area
It's rare that you will have a “matching” season of life in regards to your libido. Sometimes your libido is up while your spouse’s is down and vice versa. It's important to work together and through those differences. When working through and talking about these differences, be careful not to come into the conversation defensive. Take a step back, get an outside perspective on what’s happening. Your spouse is not out to attack you, or be against you and there are many factors that could be playing into it. It’s a conversation that isn’t one and done. Continually talk about it as you grow and change in life.
Creating safety & security between husband and wife
Seek first understanding and then be understood. Try to pause and understand where they’re at, what they’re navigating. It’s easy to see the problem and not the person and not understand what is taking place. Approach with: I believe the best in you, you’re not withholding to be hurtful or malicious. Seek understanding, to hear and to listen to what is being said and what is taking place. Spend time building that emotional security and safety. Be careful in the timing and the words that you use when you come to one another so we’re not acting on defence.
“Side Effects” of miscommunication about libido
If there is not effective communication about this area, there can be resentment, bitterness and frustration that build up. When we don’t engage in conversation, we build contempt for one another; “always” and “never” words come up and thoughts of “you’re better than me”. Even when we reach a “solution”, we need to operate from a place of grace. We might know the solution, but we are human and are flawed people and don’t always act in that way. Remember that forgiveness is not a scorecard. Keep the line of communication open. Look at the long game - your marriage is not the same in year 1 as it is in year 30. You are changing and growing; physically, emotionally, mentally. When we don’t keep up with these conversations, it leaves room for these “side effects” to enter in and have us believe the worst in ourselves and our spouse. Leave room for growth and grace in this and all areas of your marriage.
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Resources
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women
Book a FREE call (men)
Course for marriages
FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage
Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)
Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free
Connect with Javier & Shannon on any social media platform - @247marriage
Or visit 24/7 Marriage website and see what they're up to.
Podcast Hosts
BRADEN HAFNER
Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com
MATT CLINE
Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.
