#88 - I Miss Quarantine

Call me an asshole, but I think this pandemic has been the best thing to happen to the planet in the last 100 years. And what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Meaning what’s good for the big blue marble is good for those that inhabit it.

Speaking of geese, man do they lay down a lot of poop. But it enriches the soil, which we’re gonna need when the acid rains force down the brown air of corporate toxicity onto our manicured lawns. And geese have seen an increase in population since Covid because there are more open parks for perching their downy asses, so be thankful for these feathered flocks and everything that fertilizes the essence of what brings us the ability to thrive as organic beings.

Enough about geese.

Anyway, if you ask me, I think these good ol’ days will eventually be reflected upon with great fondness. Because if you live in a big city, you’ll probably never get another chance to blitz through rush hour traffic without using your blinker to bob and weave your way into crammed spaces made available by dozing commuters. Because it’s vital to earn that extra 15 seconds when reaching your destination.

And less traffic equates to less pollution all over. Which means clear air, clean water, and lower gas prices. And less restaurants and bars, and impulse window shopping when you’ve left the bar. Basically, we’re making better decisions all around. And in some cases, we haven’t had to make a decision at all. Like whether to finally change out of your pajamas after 4 days. Or take a shower.

I miss the grocery store battles for toilet paper. I miss the conspiracy theories. I miss the illuminaughty. That’s the name for guys addicted to adult sites who were stuck at home in a sexless marriage.

Anyway, wanna know the best thing about Covid? Cannabis was deemed essential.

Not that we didn’t know that already.