How to Deal with Parental Guilt

Today I'm going to be talking about something that I think has affected all of us in one way or another, whether we actually like to admit it or not. This is the topic of parental guilt. (I would normally refer to it as Mommy guilt, but not all of us listening to the show are Mommies.) We sometimes get that guilt from our children, but even our parents give it to us at times, so maybe I should be referring to this as family guilt. Although I've talked about this topic and I've written articles and posts about it over the years, I've never before actually spoken about it on this podcast. Then, recently, somebody left a comment about it on my Facebook page, which prompted me to discuss it with you on the show today, because  hearing somebody talking about it so openly, rather than it being this dirty little secret that we all harbour, really came at me like a breath of fresh air.  I really loved her comment and this is something that  women, as business owners, are really struggling with, so listen in now, because this is sure to be a meaty podcast!

We've all had family members, or kids who get jealous or resentful about the amount of time we spend working. I've talked about my kids being a part of my business for a long time and I even named it after them and got them involved in it. I really wanted to talk about this in a little more detail though, so I started to think about why we  feel that guilt for running our own business, or even having a job, or a hobby like a blog.  I've come up with three main reasons that I think cause us to feel that way, so listen in as we explore them in depth, on the show today.       

Show highlights:

Society still views women's roles as home-bound caregivers, who are secondary to their partners in the relationship. The societal pressure for us to fit into certain roles. The personal reasons that cause us to feel that guilt. It's not okay for us to choose ourselves- we feel we have to choose everybody else as well as ourselves. The basic logistics and physical demands that can cause us to feel the guilt, as   only us, as women, can bear children. The things I had a really hard time with, while my triplets were growing up. It was just not in my DNA to be a stay at home mom. I have always fought tooth and nail to retain my identity, however that did not absolve me of the guilt.  A lot of what I do comes from the influence of watching my parents, as business owners. The response that I got from my Dad, early in in my business, which was really hurtful to me. The unsupportive response that I got from my Mom, when I was having a hard time with my business. Fighting against the rising tide of guilt. The lessons that I really wanted to give to my kids.  I wanted my kids to learn that if you really want to be something, you can do just about anything! I wanted to show my kids how to live a life without limits and also that having a business can happen alongside having a family.  A family is a community, so I tried to involve my kids in my business and that decisions that I make in it. I find that the guilt thing is usually temporary and triggered by a single event. After that, they seem to get over it and carry on. About six weeks ago, I did an eye opening Facebook Live interview, with my sixteen year old daughter, Claire. (It's in my Build Your Profitable Cake Business Group.)  Claire's opinions were really so very different to what I thought they would be. I realised that a lot of the guilt that I'd felt was actually invented in my own head. How much should we give up, or modify (if anything at all) for our children? Finding enough balance in your life, to feel comfortable. In retrospect, I'm okay that my process was slower in my business, due to my kids, because I was able to give them the attention that they needed. If you're curious about how I raised my kids in my business, you can listen to my podcast episode about Raising A Family And A Business At The Same Time, and get my tips on how to do it. Remember the bigger lessons that you're learning, and that kids do grow up and move on! It's your life - your rules! Choose which voice you're going to listen to.