Episode 92 - Pioneerin’ with the Fishes

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The episode kicks off with a whirlwind of playful banter, as the hosts—aaaAAAaaa, Moroni, Abigail, and Abish—set the tone with self-deprecating humor and spontaneous tangents. The evening starts innocently enough with quips about personal quirks and awkward hygiene preferences before spiraling into a chaotic critique of American Primeval. The gritty portrayal of frontier life inspires a cavalcade of absurd hypothetical scenarios, including how long each host would last in a frontier setting (spoiler: not long) and why 1800s hygiene practices would destroy their modern friendships.
aaaAAAaaa then introduces the cocktail, a drink as chaotic as his creative process. The "We Were Just Sparkling as Men" that is equal parts refreshing and nonsensical. The group recounts the hilariously chaotic naming debate, complete with stories of unexpected kitchen disasters, an impromptu tangent on flies' life purposes, and a hotly contested theory on pairing pizza with Gushers. Equal parts comedy and culinary creativity, this segment fizzes with the essence of the Great and Spacious Podcast.

Scriptures: [00:18:09]
Abish reads sections of Doctrine and Covenants 68-69 in an exaggerated cowboy drawl, inspired by American Primeval. The result? A surreal reinterpretation of gospel teachings, complete with imaginary campfires and a shotgun sermon on missionary work and priesthood duties. The conversation veers off the rails into critiques of phrenology, astrological apps, and bizarre Mormon folklore, including a satirical heist plan to uncover the church's secret archives.

The segment concludes with the group reflecting on the absurdity of 19th-century scriptures, asking the eternal question: “Were the pioneers okay? Or were they just drunk on unfermented wine?”

Church Teachings: [00:37:38]
Moroni leads a biting yet humorous dive into the evolving statements of LDS Church leaders. The discussion skewers prophetic "truths" later downgraded to "opinions," from the priesthood ban to moon-dwelling Quakers. Between sarcastic pop-culture comparisons (Matt Smith and Jeff Goldblum as rival alien prophets) and Abigail’s ongoing feud with fictional AI boyfriends, the hosts dissect the church's selective historical memory.

The segment crescendos with a satirical lawsuit pitch against the church for unfulfilled planetary promises, complete with mock legal arguments about cosmic real estate fraud.

History: [00:57:55]
Abigail brings historical heat, starting with the Mountain Meadows Massacre as portrayed in American Primeval. She spares no detail, juxtaposing sanitized depictions with the brutal truth of Mormon militia-led atrocities. The group reflects on apologist narratives and their uneasy implications, seamlessly segueing into a preview of Wild Bill Hickman—a figure who somehow manages to upstage the massacre in moral ambiguity.

The deep dive into Hickman’s life is a rollercoaster of violence, charisma, and questionable choices. Highlights include:

Polygamy with a Side of Renaming: Hickman married 10 wives, including renaming a Shoshone woman “Margaret” because why not ruin everything?
Horse Obsession: A man who loved horses more consistently than his wives, Hickman’s journals are equal parts gallop and gore.
Massacres and Betrayals: From the Timpanogos to the Aiken Massacre, Hickman’s violent legacy is both shocking and horrifyin

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