Back in August, I released a conversation with Rabbi Yakov Horowitz about Orthodox parents whose children come out as LGBTQ. The feedback to that episode was intense. Some listeners wrote that they finally felt seen. Others said that they were deeply uncomfortable. Quite a few parents asked what they should actually do when their son or daughter comes out to them, and how they can respond with genuine love while remaining faithful to halacha. Those questions are...
Back in August, I released a conversation with Rabbi Yakov Horowitz about Orthodox parents whose children come out as LGBTQ. The feedback to that episode was intense. Some listeners wrote that they finally felt seen. Others said that they were deeply uncomfortable. Quite a few parents asked what they should actually do when their son or daughter comes out to them, and how they can respond with genuine love while remaining faithful to halacha.
Those questions are not theoretical. They are deeply personal, and they are coming from people who keep Shabbat, send their kids to day schools, sit in our shuls, and are trying to raise their families as loyal Torah Jews. Ignoring them does not make them go away.
Today I am speaking with two people who have decided not to look away. Rabbi Menachem Penner is the former dean of RIETS and currently serves as the executive vice president of the Rabbinical Council of America. Together with his wife Adeena he founded Kesher Families, an organization that supports Orthodox parents of LGBTQ children. Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is the founder of Project YES and a co leader of Kesher Families, and he joined me for that earlier conversation.
In this episode we talk about what moved the Penners to start Kesher Families, what it was like for Rabbi Penner to be a very public rabbinic figure when his son came out, and why they chose to share their family story with the broader community. We discuss the first things a parent should and should not say when a child comes out, the confusion that many young people feel as they try to understand their own sexual identity, and how parents can balance acceptance of what a child is telling them with the awareness that some parts of the story may still be unfolding.
We also look at how attitudes in the Orthodox world have changed over the past decade, what has improved, what remains painful, and whether it is really possible to increase compassion and understanding without abandoning our mesorah. And finally, I ask both of my guests what single message they most want the Orthodox community to hear about LGBTQ children and their families.
To learn more about all that Dreamearly does, go to https://dreamearly.co/. Make sure to check out the excellent recent episode of the Stream of Dreamearly Podcast with Dr. David Rosmarin.
To contact Kesher Families, click here.
Follow Rabbi Yakov Horowitz on Instagram - @yakovhorowitz and @brightbeginningsforum.
Check out Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/.
We're excited to announce that we at Jewish Coffee House are continuing to expand the conversation by bringing you—our listeners—into the mix. Introducing JCH Q&A, an exciting new podcast where listener-submitted questions are answered in a thoughtful, honest, and engaging way. We plan to dive deep into your pressing hashkafic, political, and philosophical questions. We will address the ideas that matter, the issues that challange us, and the topics that spark real curiosity.
To submit a question for our first episode, you must be a member of the JCH Podcast WhatsApp Community. (Join here.) No question is off limits, and all submissions will remain anonymous. We're looking forward to answering your questions on our first episode!
Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108).
Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse.
Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast.
Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com
