When Love Isn’t the Problem, Apathy Is. The Pain of Living Parallel Lives (SelfWork #158)

I see so many people who are living out their partnerships or marriages passing like ships in the night. And it’s very lonely. You may or may not recognize that apathy has snuck into your relationship, as you go about living parallel lives.  Most of these couples are conflict-avoidant and the distance that they feel between them is played out covertly, not openly. But they may look "fine" to the world since there's little to no arguing and most pragmatic things in the relationship are tended to and watched after. We’ll touch on this dynamic and then, of course, "what you can do about it," as I describe a method of trying to reestablish a sense of partnership and trust.

Trigger warning: The listener email for today is from someone who has a compulsion to carry a defensive weapon that could end endangering her job – and asks what she can do about it. If you've had violence or abuse in your history, this discussion may be triggering for you. So please listen with care.

Important Links:

As promised, the early SelfWork episode on the I to I technique and learning the skills of good listening.

You can hear more about relationships and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!