Vol166:日常英语Understanding&Managing Worry

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Gwen, so why do I stress out so much about stuff that hasn't even happened yet?

Well, get this. Maybe something did happen.

What? What kind of science fiction movie is this?

Nope. It's real science. Have you ever heard of Donald Winnicott?

Nope. Only know Winnie the Pooh.

Close, but not quite. Winnicott was a famous British pediatrician and psychoanalyst and he had this famous saying, "The catastrophe you fear will happen has already happened."

Wait, what? Like, I've already failed that presentation I haven't even given.

Leo, he's a psychoanalyst, not a psychic. He meant that when we worry now, it's often our brain reacting to something painful from way back, even if we don't realize it.

So, it's like emotional deja vu.

Sort of. Think of childhood trauma as a ghost in the basement.

I get it. It's there. It's quiet, but it still haunts the house.

Yep. Like, the reason someone hates public speaking as an adult might be because they got laughed at as a kid in class.

Or someone who's terrified of being dumped might have been abandoned before.

And worry about money? Maybe they grew up broke. Trouble trusting people? Maybe they got burned.

Why can't my brain remember important stuff like my email password instead of all this old junk?

Because how you feel about your email password isn't strong enough to stick in your thoughts, feelings, and how you act, unlike those past experiences, especially the ones with big emotions.

But what does keeping all this old stuff have to do with me worrying about the future?

It sets up these early warning systems to try and protect you from getting hurt again, even when there's no real danger now.

So, basically, my brain's trying to help me out, but it's using info from like forever ago.

Yep. And sometimes it's doing more harm than good.

Agreed. So, how do I actually stop all this worrying?

Strategies to Manage Worry

Well, Leo, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? The tough part is you can't just erase worry completely. But the good news is there are tons of ways to deal with it.

I'm all ears. I just want to kick this annoying friend to the curb.

One thing we can do is change how we see things.

How's that?

Instead of stressing about what might happen, we can start by being kind to our past selves. That hurt little kid inside us.

Like being understanding with myself for the tough stuff that happened when I was younger.

Would you ever tell a kid they're a loser if they bombed a test once or twice?

Absolutely not.

Right? So, give your past self the same break. Picture looking back at yourself as a kid, seeing the pain, but offering comfort and understanding instead of blame.

Can this change how my brain thinks about those old hurts?

Of course. When we connect the dots between why we're anxious now and what hurt us before, we start to get our emotions. This doesn't just dial down the worry. It changes how we react.

Okay, that sounds amazing. But how do I actually do that?

You can try stuff like rewriting memories.

What's that all about?

Basically, you go back to those old experiences in your mind and imagine them with the support and love you wish you'd had back then.

It kind of sounds like rewriting history, huh?

In a way, yeah. By picturing that support, you see your past in a healthier light.

This sounds a little like magic. I'm going to teach my future kids this one just in case.

Childhood Influences and Attachment

Speaking of kids, how we grew up has a huge impact on how we handle stress now. It's not just about how you feel today. It's also about what you learned back then.

True. I've noticed that kids who grew up with support seem to handle tough stuff better.

Yeah. They usually learn how to face challenges without totally falling apart.

And somehow this reminds me of, um, what's that theory called again? Something about attachment.