Criticism and judgement. Is it possible to offer support without making parents feel bad? 154

2025-08-06

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.We ...

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children.

Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.

We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment.

That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things.

Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle.

TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE:

1. Lead with Empathy, Not Authority

Start by acknowledging how hard parenting can be."I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience, not a hierarchy.

2. Ask, Don’t Assume

Instead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation:

"Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?"
"Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?"
This gives them control, which preserves their dignity.

3. Share, Don’t Instruct

Frame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription:

"What really helped us was..."
"I read something interesting the other day about how teens..."

Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements.

4. Validate Before You Advise

Before offering tips, show you understand their situation:

"That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried."
Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas.

5. Focus on Curiosity, Not Criticism

You might say:

"Have you noticed if she gets more upset when..."
"Do you think he might be reacting to...?"
This invites reflection rather than implying fault.

6. Know When to Just Be There

Sometimes advice isn’t what they need—just a calm presence or someone to say:

"You're doing better than you think."

Mo Gawdat quote:

Mo Gawdat defines happiness as a state where your perception of life's events is equal to or greater than your expectations.

Break Ups episode mentioned in the reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-support-our-kids-through-the-turmoil/

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

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