Chronic Anger: Trapped in Resentment

Like fire in a wood-burning stove, resentment burns long and hot: bitterness, frustration, and hostility. The fires of resentment are lit when we feel needy and vulnerable and feel wronged and rejected. This old human story is told in the biblical tale of brothers Cain and Abel.

When Cain’s offering is judged inferior, Cain takes it out on Abel. He acts--and acts out—defensively to insulate himself from shame and culpability by killing Abel. Cain’s subsequent mark symbolizes the psychic price of resentment. Creating a new human story means facing, feeling and healing from the fruitless quest for reparation. We must instead accept even awful disappointment and seek new possibility. The story of Cain and Abel is a tale of the archetypal masculine. Healing is likely to lie in discovering one’s tender, embracing feminine soul.   

 

Dream

I'm at an apartment's open house. I know that the place was previously owned by someone considered to be very social and popular. The apartment is right downtown, prime location for shopping and partying. It is also attached to a well-known café/bar. As I'm looking around, I find that the ceilings are very low and I'm hunched over as I move through the rooms and open closets ('cause closet space matters!).

I start to have my doubts even though there's a part of me that really wants to live here to be popular too. I sit down with the real estate agent and the café owner. They are playing really loud rock music, the kind of music that just sounds like awful noise to my ears. I mentally retreat from the scene by delving into a book. The café owner looks at me and says that I'm not really a fit for the vibe of the place, which he wants to be the same as before. I agree, although reluctantly.

 

References:

 

Ronald Fairbairn:

https://www.amazon.com/Psychoanalytic-Studies-Personality-W-Fairbairn/dp/0415107377/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Ronald+Fairbairn&qid=1614015944&s=books&sr=1-1

Melanie Klein:

https://www.amazon.com/Selected-Melanie-Klein-Juliet-Mitchell/dp/0029214815/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Melanie+Klein&qid=1614016134&s=books&sr=1-5

 

John Bowlby:

https://www.amazon.com/Secure-Base-Parent-Child-Attachment-Development/dp/0465075975/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=john+bowlby&qid=1614016385&s=books&sr=1-2