076 - After We Fell (Film)

Join us for Episode 76 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we fall back into the After universe with "After We Fell" - where a 38-minute drive counts as long distance, Bulgarian doctors deliver devastating medical news, and Hardin's tattoo collection looks like he lost a bet at a flash sheet convention.

Key Moments:

• We document the Great Actor Swap of 2021 as literally two-thirds of the cast gets replaced, including new versions of Landon, Kim, Karen, Christian Vance, and Tessa's dad
• Claude becomes our sex education expert, explaining why condoms are significantly less effective in hot tubs due to heat damage and chemical interference
• The cheapest door in cinematic history gets roasted as we witness a hollow closet door on a supposed multi-million dollar Seattle mansion
• Dr. Bulgarian delivers the most concerning medical diagnosis ever with his stellar performance about Tessa's "inhospitable uterus" and "bum cervix"
• We analyze Hardin's hodgepodge tattoo collection featuring Hebrew script, playing cards, birds, barbed wire flowers, and scales of justice with zero coherence
• The broken apartment window becomes a drinking game as the same stock footage appears at least five times throughout the film
• Christian Vance drops the ultimate bombshell in the most awkward hotel bar conversation ever
• We explore the Bulgaria filming location that explains all the new European actors and questionable American accents
• Tessa's power suit gets compared to political figures while she settles into her fancy Seattle publishing job
• The infamous gym scene writing gets called out for its Pulitzer-worthy dialogue

Is this movie a masterpiece? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough ridiculous plot twists and questionable medical advice to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! The film earns points for commitment to chaos but loses them for the inexplicable 38-minute "long distance" relationship crisis.

Next Episode: We're wrapping up Emily in Paris Season 2 with champagne problems, fashion shows at Versailles, and Emily facing her biggest decision yet. Hold onto your berets!

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