Snorting, Horses: A Day At The Races

Bend over, Lengthers, and get ready for a strip search; Horse Force is on patrol! Gigs are up for grabs in the strip search unit, just in time for Operation Stink. Have you got what it takes?

Is sport under an existential threat in Australia? Does the future of the Australian park feature players? One worrying thesis suggests sport’s popularity is waning. Waning! In Australia! Making matters worse, waiting in the wings to take centre stage when sport collapses... is gaming. Video games! Can you believe it? Instead of wandering into the middle with a Gray Nichols under the arm, young Australians are sinking into sofas with an Xbox in one hand and a Playstation in the other! It’s a gross betrayal of Australian values. We’re calling for a Royal Commission. 

Everyone is worried about the Koalas, rightfully so. But only 4000 tigers remain in the wild and there are many more sporting teams named after tigers than koalas! The Richmond Tigers, known experts in animal husbandry, have tooled up and are on a mission to help their struggling mascot. Always keen to lend a hand, Roy and HG have a proposal: A Tiger sanctuary in the South Western suburbs of Sydney. 

Sydney’s race tracks are awash with cocaine and local magistrates have had it up to here. “Another race day on cocaine?” asked an exasperated judge, fed up with a vast number of coked-up racegoers wandering into his courthouse. Cocaine, MDMA, cobalt - and here we were thinking people simply wanted to punt! Next thing you’ll be telling us is that cocaine was detected at the ARIA Awards!

For two years at least, the AFL has been criticised by the wider footy community for incessantly tinkering with the rules. “Leave the game alone” fans screamed, frustrated by 6-6-6, score reviews, and the ill-fated AFLX. The AFL has listened, and the AFL has reacted… by proposing further rule changes, this time to the half-time break which apparently lasts far too long. Solution: lop off a quarter. Four quarters becomes three thirds. Remove the slack. 

Jason Day’s back has conked out - again - forcing him out of the President’s Cup and the Australian Open. Filling his spot in the International team is world number 43 Byeung Hun An. Big mistake. Have they not thought of Mark Hensby? The Aussie talisman has risen from world ranking position 2079 to 2061 -- in one week!

Your emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the quality of the correspondence remains unfathomably high. We’d watch Slaughterhouse Rules. 

All of that and plenty more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!