White Claws, High Curbs & Low Expectations

Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, we are wading chest‑deep through the swamp of human decision‑making, and let me tell you… the gators aren’t the dangerous ones.

We kick things off in Florida — because of course we do — where a man is suing Waffle House for allegedly weaponizing their window ads. Yes, he claims the sign was so distracting that he tripped over an “abnormally high curb.” We’re asking the only reasonable question: how high does a curb have to be before it becomes a civil rights violation? 

Then we slide over to Chesapeake, where an inmate has filed a lawsuit against… himself. For getting drunk. And violating his own civil rights. We don’t know if this is self‑care, self‑harm, or self‑employment, but we do know it’s peak American jurisprudence.

Next up, a substitute teacher decided the lesson plan was optional and the twerk was mandatory. She threw the curriculum in the trash, declared herself a “million‑dollar prostitute,” and proceeded to give the kids a masterclass in What Not To Do In Any Profession Ever. We’re not saying she’s wrong about her valuation — we’re saying maybe keep that off the syllabus.

And finally, back to Florida — because gravity pulls us there — where a man was pulled over for speeding and the officer discovered 34 open cans of White Claw riding shotgun. Thirty‑four. That’s not a beverage choice; that’s a cry for help and a citrus‑flavored lifestyle.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy