Have you ever replayed a conversation over and over in your head, convinced someone was criticising you? Or spiralled after your boss said, "Can we have a chat?" only to discover it was nothing at all? The truth is, our brains are wired to take things personally. But that doesn't mean every awkward interaction, delayed reply or offhand comment is actually about you. In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is...
Have you ever replayed a conversation over and over in your head, convinced someone was criticising you? Or spiralled after your boss said, "Can we have a chat?" only to discover it was nothing at all?
The truth is, our brains are wired to take things personally. But that doesn't mean every awkward interaction, delayed reply or offhand comment is actually about you.
In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined by clinical psychologist Anita Shimmins to unpack why we take things so personally, where those reactions come from, and how we can stop letting them control our relationships and self-worth. Together, they explore why our brains interpret social rejection as a threat to our survival, how childhood experiences, attachment styles and past trauma shape the stories we tell ourselves, and why social media makes it even harder to separate fact from fiction.
The conversation also explores why criticism hurts so much, how to tell the difference between what actually happened and the meaning you've attached to it, and why taking something personally isn't always a bad thing. Anita shares a simple four-step exercise to help you challenge your assumptions in the moment, along with practical strategies for having difficult conversations, setting healthy boundaries and communicating your needs with confidence. Because sometimes the most important shift isn't changing what other people say—it's changing the story your brain tells you about it.
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CREDITS:
Guest: Anita Shimmins
Host: Ashani Dante
Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman
Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti
Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman
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