Recovering from Betrayal

In one of her novels, Toni Morrison tells the story of Nel and Sula, girlfriends since childhood. But the friendship frays as Sula’s self-centeredness grows, culminating in her seducing Nel’s husband. “Why didn’t you think about me?” Nel asks Sula. “Didn’t I count?” Sadly, Sula doesn’t even care enough to answer.

As anyone who’s experienced it knows, the pain of a friend’s betrayal is hard to rival. King David felt such “malice and abuse” when a political conspiracy of “threats and lies” engulfed him (Psalm 55:10-11). The worst part was who was behind it. “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it,” he says. “But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend” (vv. 12-13).

How should we respond to such betrayal? While David takes his turmoil to God (vv. 16, 20), he prays retribution will fall on his betraying friend (v. 15). We see a different approach taken by Jesus. Faced with Judas’ betrayal, he says, “Do what you came for, friend,” refusing to retaliate in kind (Matthew 26:49-50).

Can a friendship recover from betrayal? Only if the offended can stay open to reconciliation and the offender proves their repentance over time. Sula’s lack of remorse means Nel must walk away. May God empower us to treasure our friendships and swiftly make amends for any hurt we cause.