Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. She said she was raised not to question God’s plan in relation to her adoption — so she did so quietly. When she met her biological mother things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth father’s easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann.Read Full Trans...
Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. She said she was raised not to question God’s plan in relation to her adoption — so she did so quietly. When she met her biological mother things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth father’s easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann.
Read Full TranscriptAnn: 00:01 I want my Dad on my original birth certificate that myself and others in my shoes should not have to take an act of Congress for my birth certificate to uphold integrity. I should have the same right as anyone else? Adoption certificates should never become birth certificates. Original birth certificates should always maintain and hold the truth.
Voices: 00:35 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Damon: 00:47 This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ann. She called me from Salem, Oregon Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family when she was little, to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. When she met her biological mother, things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth fathers easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann. This is Ann’s journey.
Damon: 01:32 Ann was born in Portland, Oregon. At her birth, she had low birth weight because she hadn’t had any prenatal care. Babies were not allowed to leave the hospital until they reached a certain goal weight. So Ann stayed in the hospital until she was strong enough to go into foster care. She told me her parents who had already adopted a boy, were intending to adopt another boy when they were offered a chance to host Ann for a weekend, while her foster family got a respite. Apparently, the presence of a little girl pleased her mother so much that her mother fell in love. Ann’s father agreed they could adopt Ann instead of a boy. Ann was raised to be active in her community in Lake Oswego. She was in blue bird and campfire girls and had a pretty good childhood. She has friends from those days that she’s still in touch with today, but she has some dark memories from those times too.
Ann: 02:26 I was kidnapped by a lady and she actually was really nice and I remember her telling me that she wasn’t going to take me home and I told her I had to go home. Um, that, you know, my brothers and my mom was really gonna miss me and I needed to be home before the streetlights got on. And so I finally cried and ate another snack cause she was giving me snacks and having conversations with me. And finally I convinced her to take me home. She did not drop me off at my front door. She dropped me off at the top of the street. I was not supposed to pass the second house at the top of the street, but she dropped me off at the first house at the top of the street. And then I had to run home and told my mom, you know, I was gone, were you looking for me? Kind of a thing. That I had to pass the second house because the Nice Lady had dropped me off at the first house that the top of the street. And so my mother was very upset. We were taught not to talk to strangers, we were taught not to go with strangers. So I did kind of get in trouble for that. But that’s the first time I had heard the word biological. And I had no idea. That’s an awfully big word for a 4 year old and I wasn’t sure what my mom was talking about, some biological mom, because my mom was right with me. So it really didn’t apply to me. You know, when, um, I was already a little bit in hot water for going with the stranger. Anyways, I wasn’t going to ask any questions.
Damon: 04:09 The woman pulled her car over to speak with little Ann who chatted with the woman through her passenger side window. The woman told her that her mother said to get in the car and it was okay. Ann told the woman she was not allowed to get in the car with strangers.
Ann: 04:23 She said, oh honey, I’m not a stranger.
Damon: 04:26 The woman put her car in park, got out and helped little Ann into the passenger seat and they drove away. She took her about a mile away to the local grocery store. Then they went to a house right across the street from the playground at her kindergarten.
Ann: 04:41 And the reason I know this so well is because when I was in kindergarten, in the afternoon class, I was playing with all my new friends in my class and you know, having a good time. And that lady showed up again and I saw her again and she was at the fence and asked me to come with her and I said, I can’t, I’m with my friends right now and I’m not supposed to go with strangers. She said, I really want you to come with me. I love you. And I went back and played. I mean I ran, I remember, you know, I was in a little bit of hot water for going with her in the first place and now I was scared, you know? And so I ran and then the bell rings. So we all had to go into class and then I never saw that lady again.
Damon: 05:23 Oh my gosh, that is really scary. She came back. That’s unbelievable.
Ann: 05:28 Mhm, I was just like, holy smokes. You know, I don’t even know who this lady was, but I remembered that my mother had said a word, a big word, biological mother. But I had my mom, so I didn’t know, still really what was going on
Damon: 05:45 later as an adult Ann was working on a safety committee at the Oregon State Hospital an hour away from Oswego. For you movie buffs, Oregon State Hospital was the facility used to film, the Oscar Award Winning 1975 film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, with Jack Nicholson. Ann and her friend Janet, who also worked there, realized they had both lived in Lake Oswego. So Janet started asking about people Ann knew, like whether she knew Janet’s son. Ann couldn’t remember him. So Janet tried to help Ann orient to where she had lived in Lake Oswego. Janet lived on Ann’s street
Ann: 06:25 and she tells me where she lived and I just froze in my seat. I said, well, which house did you live in? And I said, Janet, I said, you’re not going to believe this. I said, I went to a lady’s house in the fourth or fifth house. She, I believe, said that she lived in the sixth house. And, um, I said I was kidnapped by a lady and I can tell you that exact floor plan to this day. And she said, oh my gosh, you know, I said, Janet. I said, do you remember that? She said, I do remember that, Ann.
Damon: 07:01 she was the next door neighbor of the person who kidnapped you?
Ann: 07:05 Yeah, I couldn’t believe that. I was just like, oh, for heaven sakes. So of course, you know, I got all flustered at this meeting. Couldn’t keep my eye on the meeting, you know, just the shock. I mean, I was just like, oh, I got to get over this, you know, holy smokes. You know, can’t believe I just told the coworker I was kidnap kind of a thing, but it’s not my burden to carry.
Damon: 07:26 Yeah, that’s right. It’s you. You didn’t kidnap yourself. Someone else did that to you. So, wow, that’s astonishing. What, you are right. It is a small world. That’s crazy. I’ve never had an experience speaking with someone who was kidnapped. So I was curious to know if, after such a jarring experience at such a young age, she was ever triggered as an adult by the kidnapping experience.
Ann: 07:49 Well, it did and I’ll tell you, I put it out of my mind for a long time. I remembered that I had to go to the doctors and be seen by a doctor and um, they told my mother that raised me, my adoptive mother, that I was too young and that I would never remember that. Well, I met my birth mother and um, biological, even as an adult was still a big word. But I did find out that I was yes, indeed adopted because my parents had said it over and over, like at church and different things. And I just knew that I wasn’t to question about it because God wanted them to raise me. Who was I to question God. And so I questioned him quietly is what I did.
Damon: 08:37 Yeah. I was puzzled about the part of Ann’s kidnapping story where her mother mentioned the word biological. When I asked Ann why she thought her mother used the word biological in the context of her kidnapping, she really didn’t know. She was too young to know what the word meant, only about four years old and she was already in a lot of hot water for leaving with the stranger, so she didn’t ask any questions. Ann said that it wasn’t until her teen years when she clearly understood her status as an adoptee.
Ann: 09:09 At church, my parents would introduce, well, here’s my son, here’s my other son, here’s our adoptive daughter, and so when it works, I don’t want to say in their benefit but when it was appropriate for them to use the word adopted then it was okay, but I wasn’t to use the word.
Damon: 09:34 I asked Ann about her brothers. She said one is 10 years younger than herself and when he was born, despite all of her prayers to God for a sister, she was very unhappy to learn, he was going to be a boy. Her older brother, also an adoptee, did all of the siblings stuff that led to good play times, but since he was older, he often got her into trouble too. He would put her up to stuff then Ann would get caught and she would have to take the rap. You know how it is with siblings. When I asked Ann about her desire to search for her biological relatives, she said her desire shown through when she was about 10 years old in 1979.
Ann: 10:12 Well yeah, my friend brought it to my attention, just a year ago, when I found my birth dad. Actually she had written him a message, um, letting him know, you know, when we were young, we were in fourth grade, so we were 10 years old approximately. Her and I were the two adoptive kids and we still weren’t supposed to talk about it. She wasn’t supposed to,...
