#080 Why we get angry with our children and the secret to staying calm in the moment

Today I talk about why parents get angry in the heat of the moment with their children and what you can do in the moment when you feel the anger rising in you.

 

This is a re-record of the very first episode of the podcast. The sound quality is poor in the original but it is such a great topic so I wanted to put it out there again in better quality.

And we need to hear this information over and over again because in the heat of the moment we can't think well and afterwards we tend to beat ourselves up about not being the gentle parent we want to be. 

​⁠In this episode I talk about my three strand approach to help parents who are losing their cool with their kids. 

We all want to be gentle parents. We don't set out to yell at our kids. We feel horrified when we yell and we know it isn't a good strategy. And yet we find ourselves flipping our lids again and again. 

So why exactly do we lose our cool? I talk about the big picture of trying to parent in a stressful society that doesn't support parents well and I talk about the physiological changes that take over our brain and lead to us flipping our lid - we literally can't help it, we are not bad parents and willpower alone can't stop the emotional brain taking control.

When we understand what's going on in our brain, we can be compassionate towards ourselves and then take responsibility and take action to keep our emotions in check.

We can approach this in 3 ways:

1. By taking care of our own needs we are more resourced and less burnt out. Then we are in better shape to take care of our kids. We can't pour from an empty cup. 

2. In the moment strategies to work with our nervous system to bring it back into balance when we lose our cool. 

3. Prevention is always better than cure - when we work on our triggers, we take the emotional charge out of the situation and we are less likely to lose our tempers. There is no quick fix but we can make progress over time to heal and grow as a parent - and shout less as a result. 

In this episode I talk about Dan Siegel's YouTube video where he explains flipping the lid. 

I also mention Episode 62 of my podcast: three things I ask myself when I lose it with my kids.

​If you would like to watch the replay of my Peaceful Parent Masterclass you can do so here. 

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.

I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.