Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner with Annie Sklaver Orenstein

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In this episode, Annie Sklaver Orenstein shares her personal journey of grief after losing her brother, Ben, in Afghanistan 15 years ago. After his death, Annie found little support for siblings, so she wrote Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief, a book addressing the unique pain of losing a sibling. She discusses how there were no resources that resonated with her—most grief books focus on parents, spouses, or children, not siblings. As she researched and interviewed other bereaved siblings, she discovered patterns in their experiences that mirrored her own.

Annie talks about how, in the immediate aftermath of Ben's death, her parents were devastated, and she was left trying to navigate her grief while supporting them. She recalls a deeply moving moment when soldiers arrived to inform her mother of Ben’s death. The soldiers sat quietly with her mother in the kitchen, offering her their presence, which Annie believes was an act of deep compassion.

Through her research, Annie found that surviving siblings often feel invisible in the grieving process. Many try to protect their parents from additional pain by hiding their own sorrow. This dynamic creates a gap where siblings bottle up their grief, leading to long-term emotional strain. Annie’s work also reveals that society often questions the legitimacy of sibling grief, asking if the siblings were “close,” as though that should determine the validity of their loss.

Ultimately, Annie’s book serves as a resource for those grieving the loss of a sibling, offering validation for their pain and helping them feel less isolated. Whether or not siblings were close, their grief is real, and it’s time we recognized it.

https://www.instagram.com/anniesklaverorenstein

https://www.annieorenstein.com/

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