Reset Your Relationship In 2 Minutes

Take a few minutes to slow down and reconnect with this simple exercise designed for emotional connection, physical intimacy and mindfulness. It’s not a magic pill, but just two minutes may be worth a shot. Jess & Brandon give it a whirl and share their honest reactions.

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Hitachi Magic Wand  

Lovehoney Juno

Lovehoney X We-Vibe Nova 2

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Reset Your Relationship In 2 Minutes

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I’m your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half of Dr. Jess. I am here and I am ready for what we’re about out to get up to. This is the two minute reset, and I need it, so I need it badly. You really made it sound like we were going to do something else there. Oh, we could do that for two minutes as well, but then what would we do with the other 90 seconds? Weren’t weren’t worn? Brendan Lakes. Any excuse to make a sound effect. So we’re going to be talking about a really simple and hopefully useful two minute relationship reset. We’re going to do it. We’re not going to make you listen to our two minutes because it’ll just be Brandon doing this. I know you’re going to do that, but we’re going to do it and then see how we feel. And we’ve done it before a couple of times for another program that we’ve run. And it’s usually really helpful, but there are there are no guarantees. Before we get to it, I definitely want to shout out our sponsor, Love Honey, because they’ve got two super cool products on sale this week, and one of them is 50% off. It’s the love, honey. Junior rechargeable music activated panty vibe. So it’s a Panty Vibe, but you guessed it, it’s activated by music. Hold on. Any music or a specific music? Mostly Justin Bieber. Bieber’s. Bieber my balls. So the love, honey. Juno rechargeable. Music activated panty vibe. I do wish they could shorten them just for I don’t know the number of words I have to say. Shorten the title, but very cool product that is activated by music, and you wear it out and it is 50% off. Plus, I’ve got an additional 15% code. Dr. Jess 15. So, Lovehoney.com CA, where we are in the world, there’s a Love Honey online, so you can check that out. Also, fan favorite, the Hitachi magic wand, the Rechargeable super powerful cordless vibe for a more deep, rumbly, diffused sensation that kind of everybody loves. The Hitachi wand is 20% off, plus you yes, you can use my code. Dr. Jess. 15 for 15%. More off at love, honey. Do you remember years ago over the holidays when I bought you a Hitachi Mahanda massager? No, it was not. Was it not? And it was in front of all your family. And in all seriousness, I bought this. It was like, imagine a glove with electric stimuli on the fingers. Would that be a useful description? Yeah, it was a black glove. It was by a brand called Fukuku. I may not be saying that right, but it wasn’t a tattoo. It was Fukuku. And it looked like a black leather glove that you would see on the ground outside, abandoned in the back. You know what I mean? Yeah. And each finger pad had a little kind of vibrator on it. Well, I didn’t pick mine up off the ground, but I did give it to you over the holidays, fully expecting it to be used on your back only years later to find out that it was a full on sex toy. Okay, so we used to open Christmas presents with my whole family, and it was quite an affair. We’d pile into my mum’s living room. Oh, it was an affair. And the living room was small. There’d be too many of us piled into this living room, inevitably. Okay. My dad would like to try things on. So if you bought him a shirt and by the way, so this is at my mom and my stepdad’s house, but my family is really cool, and my step dad and my mom are amazing, and my dad’s always included, and he’s part of the family. But if I bought him a shirt, which I always did, because I never learned my lesson, he would always be sitting on the piano bench again in this, like, I don’t know, eight foot by eight foot room with 15 of us in it, and he would just change and try on the shirt. I’m buying that thong next year, like a Speedo, something tight. Well, and we don’t have that tradition anymore. We don’t do presents, and we don’t gather my mom’s in the same way. But I remember my dad wanted to try on the glove sitting on my piano bench at my at the house that I grew up in, that I spent my teeth I think I pulled my groin. I don’t know. I need to get a little test. Okay. I don’t know how we got there. Brandon confused Hitachi with Fakuku, two different brands. So, to recap, Love Honey has a pretty good Valentine’s a really good Valentine’s sale on right now. And the we vibe times. Love Honey Nova Two Rabbit is still on sale, but the hitachi magic wand is 20% off the Love Honey Juneau rechargeable music activated panty vibrator. I can’t believe I remembered all of that. It’s 50% off that one. Plus my code. Dr. Jess, 15 gets you 15% off pretty much any item on there. So go check it out. And oh, my God. Now, after the visual of all the changing happening in my mom’s Christmas living room, I need my two minute reset. Well, before we even get there, I want to know, is there a similar toy for someone with a penis for that music? That music sex toy? Well, you could wear it you could wear it along your gooch, you’re taint. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Yeah, you can get that. It’s for all bodies. Although I think it probably is designed for the clip. But yeah. You want one? Yeah, because what’s going to end up happening is going to fall out of my underwear, and then I have to have an awkward conversation when I’m out in public. Oh, that’s mine. I had it on my taint. What’s the angriest song? You know? Because that’s the song I would play. Tier five. Probably some rage against the Machine or something like that, right? Who sings, the people who burn crosses are the ones who am I messing this up?

Yeah. I think we should move on. Okay. I don’t even know. All right. Okay, we’re moving on to the two minute reset, which, Lord knows, honestly, I need this. So I had a rough night last night. First of all, I got food poisoning on my flight home from a long transatlantic flight, and it was three and a half hours of hell. Thank God Brendan was there to, like, block the washroom door and keep everybody away because I was so ill, and I hope I don’t make people other people feel sick, but I basically got sick on the whole walk from the plane to the customs hall. Pulled myself together to get through customs, and then I was so sick. So it’s been a hard couple of days, but then I don’t know if anyone else feels this, and I don’t know if it has to do with menstrual cycle, although I think it’s for all genders. And I think, honestly, just guys don’t have the permission to cry. But sometimes I swear I just need a really big, messy cry and I definitely hold myself back because I’m not a big shower of crying person. But I had a big cry last night, and I’m still recovering from it today. If I was as sick as you were on that plane, you would have been dragging me off that plane by my ankle, and I would have been crying like a two year old who couldn’t have a chocolate bar. But I was the opposite, because I was walking as fast as I could to the customs hall with my barf bag passing everyone. I’m like, no one is getting in front of me. Trust me, no one was trying to get in front of either one of us. I’m carrying one of your barf bags. You’ve got the other one. You’re stopping every 40ft. No, I wasn’t stopping. I was walking, and you were trying to get me to stop. You’re like, you know you can stop. I’m like, no, I am the first one off the plane, first one out of this airport. People are getting a real deep dive into our personal life here today. I don’t go back and listen and reedit these sessions, which is why you get the full version of whatever it is. Okay, let’s go to the two minute reset. So this is an exercise that I use in programming, and I’ll often recommend a couples. We wrote about it in our book, not you and Me, but Marla and I, and it’s rooted in the fact that life really can spiral out of control. And we really just forget to take the time to connect with ourselves, with our partners, emotionally, physically. And so this two minute activity is intended to help you feel more present in your own body, more connected to yourself, connected to a partner. And so you can do this on your own, with your own breath. And if you have a partner, I’m going to suggest that you either kind of sit or lie next to one another and press your foreheads against each other and just start to breathe in sync for eleven deep breaths. And I know it sounds kind of weird, and you might feel uncomfortable and distracted at first, but what I’ve found and what I’ve seen with other people is that as you start to slip into like the third, the fourth, the fifth breath, you start to feel more relaxed. You start to feel more at ease. And if you’re with someone, you’re going to feel more connected. And we have all this research, right, so much data suggesting that when you touch your partner or when you touched any loved one, you experience this physiological, what they call interpersonal synchronization. So your heart and your breath rates start to align, pain starts to subside.

There’s research around skin conductance, which is a common way that they track physiological arousal. And they see that skin conductance also starts to sink when you sit close to a loved one. So what I’m suggesting is that you go ahead and try this. Go ahead and get in sync. And if it takes longer than eleven breaths to sink up, don’t even worry. And the idea, what we know is that stress from your day, distractions, work, your mood, your general health, food poisoning, all of these things, all of these factors affect connections. So you don’t have to put pressure on yourself to experience a specific result right away, but just consider committing to engaging the process, seeing how you feel. See if the tension subsides. Maybe you feel reminded of the fact that you need to slow down more often. Maybe you feel reminded of how close you felt in the past. Maybe you actually find yourself frustrated with the activity today. And that’s also okay. There’s no right way to respond. And you can try it again tomorrow if today isn’t your day. I think just the fact that you’re willing to try it and try it more than once kind of demonstrates that you’re committed to working on the relationship and suggests that over time, you’re going to see improvements. So here’s what we’re going to do. Brendan and I are going to go give this a try. Babe, do you want to go upstairs to the bedroom? Do you want to lie on the carpet? Do you want to just sit in our chairs? Oh yeah, let’s go upstairs to the bedroom. Two minutes to the bedroom, like three times? No. Maybe we’ll just do it right here. We’re obviously not going to make you sit through the two minutes. We’re just going to go for a brief pause, 10 seconds, and we’ll take our two minutes, and it’s probably going to take us more than two minutes and come back and tell you how we’re feeling and how it worked for us today. Just see how it goes. So what what do they say on time? Trying to think about what they say on television. They’re like, Stay tuned, we’ll be right back. My suck.

Participant #1:
Okay, we’re back. We did it. Yes. We did the meditation, breathing exercise. It took us about two and a half minutes. Yeah. How did you feel when we got started? I was feeling sick. Well, I’m glad you told me that now, not before I put my forehead against yours. I think I’m feeling sick just from the exhaustion of everything. I definitely feel calmer now. I don’t feel reset. I’ll be honest. I have in the past, I have felt like, Holy shit. Sorry for the swearing. That felt like a reset. This just felt like a reminder that I’m moving too fast, I’m going too hard, and I need to slow down. But none of those things are bad. I mean, the realization. Does that make you feel better? Sort of, but I don’t have time to slow down because I have a lot I got to go. Yeah, no, I feel good with you. I don’t know how many breaths we took. I wasn’t counting. I was how many did we take? Eleven. Well, you’re kidding. Yeah. No, I really was counting, but it was me that initiated the stop. Yes. So I guess intuitively, I just knew it was eleven, and then I felt good while we were doing the breath work, like, with our foreheads pressed against each other. So just Brandon was sitting cross legged, and I was straddling him, sitting on his lap, and I felt like I just wanted to hug you. Like, I didn’t really want to have my forehead against you in that moment. And so hugging and being held after felt really good. That’s awesome. Initially, I felt very tight, my muscles, but I felt kind of almost silly starting. But about three breaths in, I started to feel the muscles in my face relaxed and started to pay more attention to how my body was feeling. And then it gave me an opportunity to focus in. Like, the synchronization of breath work was something for me to focus on, so I found it kind of meditative. I know it was very brief, but it was something to focus on that distracted me from the other thoughts that were coming into my head. But I do agree that at the end, we hugged each other just for 20 seconds or 30 seconds, and that felt good. Like, it felt good to be close. It was like we forced ourselves to take a break and to be close to each other when, you know, oftentimes here at the day, and and in the morning. In the afternoon, we don’t have time to take that two and a half or three minute break, which really isn’t that long. We have the time, we just don’t make it. Yes, we don’t make the time. But I thought that was an interesting outcome at the end, just taking a few extra seconds to give each other a hug, which is kind of cool. And I’m smiling now. Like, I’m sitting here as you’re talking, and I’m smiling. And I’ll be honest, I was not smiling before. I was growling. Yeah. So I guess it helped. I don’t want to say it was a ten for me, but I’m glad we did it. And this is not the first or the second or the third time we’ve done something like this. And I always think it’s interesting that the reaction is different every time, so I thought it would be useful just to share this activity. And it doesn’t have to be eleven breasts with your foreheads pressed together. It could be holding hands and maybe gazing into each other’s eyes. It could be just a long hug. It could be especially because so many people are still working from home, like going upstairs or wherever your bedroom is, and holding each other for two minutes, like spooning, whatever it is, just to reconnect. Because yeah, I have to say, I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice or see it in my eyes, but I feel calmer, and I really, really need it to feel calmer because it’s been in. Addition to the food poisoning, there’s some other stuff with a COVID outbreak in a building with someone I love, and just a whole bunch of other stuff that’s overwhelming me. And what do I do? I just work and I work, and I work instead of slowing down. And I’ll tell you another thing that I really feel that’s really important to me, and it’s not I don’t know if it’s a language I use all the time, but I feel safe. Like, I love that feeling of just feeling safe, because maybe the way I move through the world, I don’t always feel safe.

So that’s something that I felt there. So if you want to go give this a try again with kind of no expectations, I think it’s interesting to think about how you feel going in, which was Brandon’s idea, and then how you feel going out and what you might take away from it. Like, my takeaway is that, God knows, I have two minutes a day. I have two minutes per half day. I have two minutes per hour to block off and just slow down and be present, even just on my own. And I don’t take it. And maybe I’m not going to take two minutes, but maybe I could take 30 seconds even, just to kind of take a break. They say you’re supposed to rest your eyes from your computer anyhow. Yeah, I feel good. I feel calm. So I’m going to go. I feel good about it. Good. I’m glad that you feel calm. I would say that a few minutes later, I’m feeling the after effects of it. Right. Like, initially, that awkwardness and then kind of getting into the groove, and then two and a half minutes can whip by quickly, and then here we are, five minutes, six minutes later, and I’m still feeling the effects of that lowered blood pressure, that calm. So, I mean, I don’t know how much longer it’s going to last because I need to kick off and kick off in a high gear. But it’s a nice feeling to have at this point in the day. Yeah. And I don’t know, it just doesn’t have to be so complicated. So we’ll leave it at that. Hopefully you’ll give it a try or some version of it, and if you have your own version, feel free to share with us as well. And I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll hear from people who are like, yes, I also need to go, good cry. So I kind of feel like a good cry is in the works for tonight, too, but in a good way, not necessarily in a sad way. So I do need to, on the way out, shout out, love, honey. Go check out the Juno the Panty vibe. That’s music activated at 50% off. The hitachi one is 20% off. And I’ve got that extra 15 code. Dr. Jess, 15 go order in time for V Day if you’re celebrating or just in time for getting your vibe on. Thanks so much for listening. Thanks, Dave. Thank you. All right. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve your life.