In the concept of gaslighting, one person is trying to create the reality for another person in order to gain or maintain control of them. Jehovah’s Witnesses are masters of gaslighting, weaponizing what is near and dear to others against them, shaming them for who they are and what they want in this life. For Taylor there was massive internal confusion as she got older and realized that there were parts of her personality that didn’t actually come from the cult’s influence. Those parts of her, such as the v...
In the concept of gaslighting, one person is trying to create the reality for another person in order to gain or maintain control of them. Jehovah’s Witnesses are masters of gaslighting, weaponizing what is near and dear to others against them, shaming them for who they are and what they want in this life. For Taylor there was massive internal confusion as she got older and realized that there were parts of her personality that didn’t actually come from the cult’s influence. Those parts of her, such as the very normal and natural attraction to someone else, created great inner conflict and external turmoil in a world where her desires weren’t allowed. And thus the realization that gaslighting can be internalized and turned against ourselves felt overwhelming to a young person not equipped to deal with the ramifications and grief caused by a life lived according to the influence of those with power around her.
She realized that in order to continue to live the life she was given, she would have to gaslight herself out of things that she actually wanted. Ultimately she would come to grieve the parts of her that were lost during those times, the time lost, the people that could never truly love her for who she was but rather a vision of who they wanted her to be, and she would go on a quest to find herself. It is said that grief is just love without a home, so she went on a journey to find that home in herself by learning to love a person that others were incapable of loving because of their desire for control.
You can find Taylor and her work on Instagram as mothandmooncommunity at: https://www.instagram.com/mothandmooncommunity/
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This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah’s Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment.
Music provided by Jane and the Boy, entitled Save Myself.
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