Think about it. How much control do kids really have over their daily activities? Likely 90% of adult communication with kids is directive or authoritative. Wake up, get out of bed, brush your teeth, put on these clothes, get on the school bus, eat your dinner, etc. When someone has little control over their life, it ignites the stress response system. A constant lack of control causes the NEED for control to grow. With a need for control, kids are often reactive. It’s a biological response to regain co...
Think about it. How much control do kids really have over their daily activities?
Likely 90% of adult communication with kids is directive or authoritative. Wake up, get out of bed, brush your teeth, put on these clothes, get on the school bus, eat your dinner, etc. When someone has little control over their life, it ignites the stress response system. A constant lack of control causes the NEED for control to grow.
With a need for control, kids are often reactive. It’s a biological response to regain control. This can look like refusing or denying, trying to escape, avoidance, or having a breakdown when asked to do something.
Kids with this need are not necessarily in a high-stress environment or come from a traumatic background. Chronic stress can even be caused by parents who work a lot. Our last episode discussed the need for feeling connected. Lack of family connection can cause a need for control in other areas.
When kids have a need for control, it often turns into a power struggle with adults. (Parents, Teachers, etc.) Remember, it’s OK to give kids some control, which means an adult must give up some control. This step is a HUGE benefit in building family relationships.
How can you give kids some control? Offer them choices. This is not a new idea, but the problem is……often the adult offers choices only THEY like. Choices must be fair and motivating to the child.
Thinking of choices in the heat of the moment can be difficult. If you often see the same issue with a certain activity or transition, try planning ahead to have acceptable choices ready for the future.
The 5 Needs Areas are discussed in great detail as part of the Emotional Intelligence Blueprint program developed by The Behavior Hub. It’s a 4-step program Lauren uses as a guide when teaching schools, families, and organizations about emotional intelligence. The framework of this program is simple, easy, and can be applied to anyone’s life without a lot of extra work.
I answer this week’s listener question during the episode:
I don’t know how to blend our interventions with medically-based behavior support staff (behavior therapist). What do you recommend?
Try at home tip: Massage (self or medical)
Several of our blog posts and podcasts discuss similar strategies:
- Podcasts -
- Why Behavior Occurs - 5 Needs Areas
- Blog Posts –
- 5 Reasons Behaviors Occur
- Emotional Brain: The Barking Dog
- Do you have a question? I can answer it in a future episode!
Email questions to podcast@thebehaviorhub.com or send via text to 717-693-7744. - Subscribe to our mailing list and find out more about the Emotional Brain.
- Check out our Facebook Group – Raising and Teaching Respectful Children
- The Behavior Hub website
- The Behavior Hub blog
Are you struggling with behaviors and not sure where to begin? Let me help! Schedule a free discovery call and let me be your Guide.
View more
