The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast
Kids & Family:Parenting
In this episode, it seems as though we start talking about one subject and end with another. Yet, they are connected.
We begin discussing how to deal with children who are ‘high spirited’ with minds of their own (which can sometimes be aggravating or embarrassing) and who grow up feeling ‘not good enough’ or as though there’s something wrong with them because of the constant correction they receive.
We also mention the ‘quiet’, ‘good’ kids that ‘go along to get along’ but who internally might be (unconsciously) building resentment to the arbitrary rules and restrictions of their parents (which often leads to some sort of rebellion or rejection of values when they become adults).
Both types of kids struggle because of the (often arbitrary) rules their parents and/or society have for them. Out of the best intentions, parents create rules for their family life so that children can be safe, they can have high standards and values, and some sort of order and control can be maintained. The rules are often communicated in a black-and-white way — we never eat in the living room, we never stand on the table, we never listen to pop music, we never swear, we never stay out past midnight, we never watch rated R movies, we never lie, etc.
But the reality is, this black-and-white approach has long-term detrimental consequences for your relationship with your child, their critical thinking skills, and their ability to make decisions. That’s because life is rarely black and white. There are variables, nuances, and levels to all parts of our reality.
We end the episode by expounding on how allowing your children to ‘talk back’ and to argue/debate with you in an effort to persuade you to their point of view is a GOOD thing. Your rules are NOT black and white and kids (as well as parents) often intuitively feel this, they just can’t articulate it.
This is where ‘parenting relativism’ is required. And while that sounds bad or dangerous to some, it is actually an effective approach that helps us help our children to navigate the complexities of the world around us and life in general.
At the outset, the approach we outline in this episode seems like more work and thought, and effort on your part. But in the long run — done well — it creates WAY better results because this parenting process develops the ability to think critically, to strategically analyze, to effectively make decisions, and to confront moral dilemmas. As a bonus, it increases the trust and respect your children have for you as their parents and creates stronger life-long relationships.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message#181 Chores as Child Abuse?! Responses to This & Other Surprising Comments
#180 This is What's Contributing to All Your Parenting Problems -- And Will Solve Them When Addressed
#179 Travel More? Or Prepare for the Worst? Finding the Middle-Ground Between Risk-Taking and Being Safe & Prepared
#178 We Know It's Hard But DO WHAT MUST BE DONE! The Obstacle IS the Way
#177 How Personality Affects Your Marriage & Parenting; Analyzing (& Laughing About) Our Big 5 Personality Test Scores
#176 How Frustration, Guilt, & Discontent Guide You to Your Best Self -- Don't Assuage the Pain or 'Accept What Is'. This is Your Soul Calling!
#175 Q&A Sneaky Teens, Forbidden Apps, Pornography, Masturbation, Device Usage, Teen Sex and More! Oh My.
#174 Marriage Q&A: Intellectual Conversations, Over-Helping, & Why This Famous Sexpert is WRONG
#173 Beauty, Art, Changing World Order, & Jordan Peterson Live
#172 The Foundations for Magic & Serendipity -- Our Portugal Trip Report
#171 Force Your Kids to Finish? Or Let Them Quit? Our Surprising Answer
#170 How to Wake Up and Overcome Sleep Depression/Inertia -- Better Mornings Equals a Better Life
#169 How to Make the Mundane Parts of Day-to-Day Life More Meaningful
#168 What to Do When People Oppose Your Lifestyle Choices
#167 How to Get Your Spouse on Board -- Plus Why Your Marriage Needs a 'Breaking Point'
#166 The Size of Your Dreams MUST Exceed Your Current Capacity to Achieve Them
#165 Exposing Your Kids to the Dark Side -- WHY and HOW
#164 Teen Mental Health Strategies That WORK! Pattern Interrupts & State Changes
#163 The Failure to Launch Epidemic and How to Prevent It In YOUR Children & Teens
#162 'Entertainment Overrun' is Creating a Painful Gap Between Here and the Life of Your Dreams
Create your
podcast in
minutes
It is Free
Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Focus on the Family Broadcast
Calm Parenting Podcast
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
The Federalist Papers
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Raising Good Humans