Fixing vs. Feeling: How to Get on the Same Team with Elizabeth Ferreira

Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro

3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies.

6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles.

9:12: Why conflict happens

14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving.

18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication

30:48: What change looks like in practice.

33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation

42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally.

46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?”

49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.

52:30: Recap

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