433: Enabling After Betrayal: Why It Hurts More Than It Helps

In this episode, Dr. Debi Silber explores the difficult but essential topic of enabling—how we unknowingly prevent both ourselves and others from experiencing the crash-and-burn moments necessary for transformation. Drawing from real conversations with PBT® members, certified coaches, and personal experiences, Dr. Debi reveals how enabling behavior keeps betrayers from feeling the full impact of their choices and keeps the betrayed from healing deeply. 

Whether you're a parent, partner, practitioner, or someone recovering from betrayal, this episode offers powerful insights into how avoiding consequences can block true growth—and how setting boundaries, allowing natural consequences, and standing in your truth can lead to breakthrough instead of burnout. 

🧠 What You'll Learn: 

• The three groups of people who don't heal after betrayal—and why enabling is a common factor 

• The physical, mental, and emotional toll enabling takes on the betrayed 

• How betrayers avoid transformation when they don't face real consequences 

• The difference between resilience and transformation (patching the old house vs. rebuilding a new one) 

• A personal parenting story that illustrates the emotional challenge of not stepping in—and the growth that follows 

• How enabling prevents the powerful lessons that come from learning things the hard way 

• How to identify where you may be enabling others (or being enabled) and what it's costing you 

💬 Notable Quotes: 

"When we enable, we deny someone the opportunity to crash and burn—so they can rebuild into something better." 

"Easy now, hard later… or hard now, easy later. Take your pick." 

"Transformation doesn't happen from patching things up—it happens when everything falls apart, and you rebuild deliberately." 

 Mentioned in the Episode: 

• The 3 groups from Dr. Debi's PhD study who didn't heal 

• Post Betrayal Syndrome® and its symptoms 

• Rebuilding after betrayal using The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough 

• Real-world examples from members inside the PBT® Institute 

🔥 Call to Action: 

Are you unintentionally enabling someone—and blocking your own healing in the process? It's time to take an honest look. Reflect, journal, or speak with a trusted practitioner about how enabling may be holding you back. 

Want guidance on your own healing or how to support someone else's breakthrough? Visit ThePBTInstitute.com to learn about programs, resources, and PBT® Coach/Practitioner certification.