Standing in Two Worlds-Episode 75-WARNING-EXPLICIT MATERIAL-”Yesh מ׳ז׳ל׳ BiYisroel”-Speaking frankly about teenage male sexuality in the Frum World-Responses to Doctor Shloime Zimmerman’s From Boys to Men-with Rabbi Shmuel Skaist LPC, CSAT-c

This episode has serious Adult Content

Episode 75: The Sexual Miseducation of Religious Adolescents

Spurred by Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman’s recent book titled

“From Boys to Men,” Rabbi Kivelevitz chairs this panel

discussion with Pro. Juni and Rabbi Shmuel Skaist who is a

noted educator, mentor, and psychotherapist specializing in

sexual addictions. Dr. Zimmerman’s underlying premise, which

the panelists fully endorse, is that adolescents will persist in

some sexual behaviors (especially masturbation) regardless of

any educational efforts. R. Kivelevitz applauds the book as a

valiant effort to deal with the “guilt spirals” which youngsters

experience around masturbation, especially as the book could

potentially result in a backlash from the organized religious

educational establishment. Prof. Juni notes that such reactions

have been commonplace toward researchers who broached

sexual taboos even in academia (e.g., the Kinsey Reports).

Juni’s main critique of the book highlights its narrowness of

focus. His specific points are: 1) Masturbation should not be

stressed to the exclusion of other challenges of adolescent

sexuality (e.g., pornography); 2) The book should not be

limited to boys while excluding girls; 3) The issue of

homosexuality cannot be ignored; 4) The book should not have

been addressed to parents / educators; rather it would best be

addressed to adolescents; 5) Since the intent is to minimize

tension and maladjustment of adolescents, the main focus

should be on sexual development issues rather than Halachic

challenges. Expanding on the latter point, Juni notes the

emotional difficulties around sexual development among

religious youth does NOT revolve around the violation of

religious percepts. Rather, they are driven by erroneous

assumptions by the young person that s/he is different from

his/her peers and that there is something wrong with her/him

– which is often verbalized as “I must be crazy.” These issues

are identical to those of irreligious youth. Thus, claims Juni, all

that is needed here is a very precise message which stresses

statistical normality rather than Halachic percepts. That

message – The behaviors you engage in related to sexual

curiosity -- including masturbation, sexual exploration with

others, and porn watching -- are behaviors which ALL of your

peers (including your religious peers) engage in very

frequently. That message would dispel the erroneous

assumptions which drive the guilt spiral and emotional

pathology among youngsters, even when they are taught that

these behaviors violate Halacha.

R. Skaist argues forcefully that what is needed to deal with the

decompensatory results of miseducation is a concerted effort

to teach what is normal, rather than being limited to teaching

what behaviors are not desirable. Adolescents need to know

that sexuality should be part of a general emotionally positive

relationship with another individual which includes much more

than physical interaction. R. Skaist also deplores the

differential tracks in sex education of boys vs. girls, which then

potentially portends relationship problem in marital couples.

Juni amplifies this position by noting that members of each

gender often end up with a negative perception of their

spouses as they conflate their negative views of sexuality with

their partners.

R. Kivelevitz explores the Halachic stance toward masturbation

with Dr. Juni and R. Skaist. Apparently, some authorities view

the ban on masturbation as applying solely to cases where it is

used as a method of birth prevention by a married couple.

Knowing that some authorities are not categorically opposed

to masturbation may suffice to minimize the overwhelming

guilt which some religious adolescents experience.

R. Kivelevitz raises the issue of pornography viewing. R. Skaist

dispels some erroneous ideas of how explicit sexual material

might be used in psychotherapy. He argues that the real

danger of pornography is that it leaves viewers with false ideas

and unrealistic perceptions of what sexuality entails, with the

chief deficit being that it eschews the crucial interpersonal

component in an emotional relationship. Taking this a step

further, Prof. Juni argues that the accurate depiction of

sexuality does NOT constitute pornography unless it enhances

sexual depersonalization, one-sidedness, or abuse.

Since both of the panel’s experts agree that misinformation is

behind sexual maladjustment which occurs during

adolescence, R. Kivelevitz raises the argument used by some

that co-education minimizes distortions about the other

gender and enhances cross-gender relationship capacity at this

crucial developmental stage. While the panelists agreed that

youngsters raised in co-ed environments have a better sense

of the other gender at an earlier age, these youngsters are still

described as subject to the vagaries of misinformation. As R.

Skaist puts it, “they still have problems, although the problems

may be different ones.”

R. Kivelevitz concludes from Dr. Zimmerman’s approach that it

would make sense for Yeshivos to offer greater variety in

activities, sports, and leisure to distract youngsters from sexual

preoccupation. While agreeing that such a variety would be

beneficial to all, the panelists argue that “distractions” from

sexuality are not psychologically effective or feasible, and

certainly would not address the problem at hand. Rather,

proper education – especially one that counters

misconceptions and harmful notions – is the key to proper

adjustment.

Prof. Juni is one of the foremost research psychologists in the world today. He has published ground-breaking original research in seventy different peer reviewed journals and is cited continuously with respect by colleagues and experts in the field who have built on his theories and observations.

He studied in Yeshivas Chaim Berlin under Rav Yitzchak Hutner, and in Yeshiva University as a Talmid of Rav Joseph Dov Soloveitchik. Dr. Juni is a board member of the Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists and has regularly presented addresses to captivated audiences. Associated with NYU since 1979, Juni has served as Director of PhD programs, all the while heading teams engaged in cutting-edge research. Professor Juni's scholarship on aberrant behavior across the cultural, ethnic, and religious spectrum is founded on psychometric methodology and based on a psychodynamic psychopathology perspective. He is arguably the preeminent expert in Differential Diagnostics, with each of his myriad studies entailing parallel efforts in theory construction and empirical data collection from normative and clinical populations.

Professor Juni created and directed the NYU Graduate Program in Tel Aviv titled Cross-Cultural Group Dynamics in Stressful Environments. Based in Yerushalayim, he collaborates with Israeli academic and mental health specialists in the study of dissonant factors and tensions in the Arab-Israeli conflict and those within the Orthodox Jewish community, while exploring personality challenges of second-generation Holocaust survivors.

Below is a partial list of the professional journals where Professor Juni has published 120 theoretical articles and his research findings (many are available online):

Journal of Forensic Psychology; Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment, and Trauma; International Review of Victimology; The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease; International Forum of Psychoanalysis; Journal of Personality Assessment; Journal of Abnormal Psychology; Journal of Psychoanalytic Anthropology; Psychophysiology; Psychology and Human Development; Journal of Sex Research; Journal of Psychology and Judaism; Contemporary Family Therapy; American Journal on Addictions; Journal of Criminal Psychology; Mental Health, Religion, and Culture.

As Rosh Beis Medrash, Rabbi Avraham Kivelevitz serves as Rav and Posek for the morning minyan at IDT. Hundreds of listeners around the globe look forward to his weekly Shiurim in Tshuvos and Poskim and Gaonic Literature.

Rav Kivelevitz is a Maggid Shiur for Dirshu International in Talmud and Halacha as well as a Dayan with the Beth Din of America.

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