Navigating the Parent-Child Attachment with Dr. Tanya Cotler

2023-09-28

This week, Dr. Tracy is sitting down with Dr. Tanya Cotler, a renowned clinical psychologist and co-founder of Renni, to discuss attachment science and its profound influence on our parenting and relationships. Dr. Cotler sheds light on how our earliest years, particularly the first three, significantly shape our relationship blueprints. Together, they explore the intriguing link between attachment and feelings of shame, stressing the spectrum of attachment strategies, from anxious to avoidant. Dr. Cotler also dispels common parenting misconceptions, advocates for compassionate and intuitive parenting, and underscores the value of recognizing ruptures and repairs in nurturing a child's autonomy. Furthermore, the discussion extends beyond parenting to how these principles can enrich various relationships, emphasizing negotiation and acknowledging our own needs while fostering connections with others.

Today’s topics include:

The importance of the first three years of life in forming our blueprint for relationships.
The connection between attachment and the experience of shame in challenging moments
How the attachment system is related to our survival instincts and emotional responses
Coping strategies developed in childhood and their impact on adult behavior
Understanding anxious and avoidant attachment styles and their impact on relationships
Exploring intuitive and compassionate parenting and dispelling common myths.
How children communicate through their behavior and body language
The concept of ruptures and repairs in parent-child relationships
The essence of gentle, compassionate parenting and allowing children to learn autonomy
Understanding that it's impossible to meet every need at every moment and the importance of negotiation