#207: Why You Feel Secure When You’re Single (But Anxious When You Start Dating)

2025-09-23

If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we have something (or someone) at stake, we feel more vulnerable. The more we care, the more our protective strategies kick in — sometimes in big, overwhel...

If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.

In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we have something (or someone) at stake, we feel more vulnerable. The more we care, the more our protective strategies kick in — sometimes in big, overwhelming ways.

This episode is a reassuring reminder that there’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way — it’s simply your nervous system doing its job in trying to keep you safe when things start to feel risky.

Highlighted Links

Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources