After seeing their interactions up close, I finally understood what had long felt like a contradiction in my own personality: how I could be highly agreeable and still cherish a good argument. Agreeableness is about seeking social harmony, not cognitive consensus. It’s possible to disagree without being disagreeable. Although I’m terrified of hurting other people’s feelings, when it comes to challenging their thoughts, I have no fear. In fact, when I argue with someone, it’s not a display of disrespect—it’s a sign of respect. It means I value their views enough to contest them. If their opinions didn’t matter to me, I wouldn’t bother. I know I have chemistry with someone when we find it delightful to prove each other wrong. Agreeable people don’t always steer clear of conflict. They’re highly attuned to the people around them and often adapt to the norms in the room. My favorite demonstration is an experiment by my colleagues Jennifer Chatman and Sigal Barsade. Agreeable people were significantly more accommodating than disagreeable ones—as long as they were in a cooperative team. When they were assigned to a competitive team, they acted just as disagreeably as their disagreeable teammates.
That’s how working with Brad Bird influenced John Walker.
John’s natural tendency is to avoid conflict: at restaurants, if the waiter brings him the wrong dish, he just goes ahead and eats it anyway. “But when I’m involved in something bigger than myself,”
he observes, “I feel like I have an opportunity, a responsibility really, to speak up, speak out, debate. Fight like hell when the morning whistle blows, but go out for a beer after the one at five o’clock.”
That adaptability was also visible in the Wright brothers’
relationship. In Wilbur, Orville had a built-in challenge network.
Wilbur was known to be highly disagreeable: he was unfazed by other people’s opinions and had a habit of pouncing on anyone else’s
idea the moment it was raised. Orville was known as gentle, cheerful, and sensitive to criticism. Yet those qualities seemed to vanish in his partnership with his brother. “He’s such a good scrapper,” Wilbur
said. One sleepless night Orville came up with an idea to build a rudder that was movable rather than fixed. The next morning at breakfast, as he got ready to pitch the idea to Wilbur, Orville winked at a colleague of theirs, expecting Wilbur to go into challenge mode and demolish it. Much to his surprise, Wilbur saw the potential in the idea immediately, and it became one of their major discoveries.
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📚هایلایت قسمت 60 کتاب Think Again
✅ Contradiction: A combination of ideas that oppose each other, تناقض
✅ Highly agreeable: Very easy to get along with, بسیار سازگار / خوشبرخورد
✅ Cherish a good argument: Deeply enjoy engaging in debates, لذت بردن از بحث خوب
✅ Social harmony: Peace and balance in relationships, هماهنگی اجتماعی
✅ Cognitive consensus: Agreement in thinking or ideas, توافق فکری
✅ Disagree without being disagreeable: Argue without being rude or unpleasant, مخالفت کردن بدون بیادبی
✅ Display of disrespect: A visible sign of being rude, نشانۀ بیاحترامی
✅ Sign of respect: Evidence of valuing someone, نشانۀ احترام
✅ Contest an idea: To challenge or question an idea, به چالش کشیدن یک ایده
✅ Chemistry with someone: A natural connection or compatibility, ارتباط طبیعی / تفاهم داشتن
✅ Prove each other wrong: Show that the other person’s idea is mistaken, اشتباه همدیگر را ثابت کردن
✅ Steer clear of conflict: Avoid arguments or fights, دوری کردن از تعارض
✅ Highly attuned to: Very sensitive or responsive to, بسیار هماهنگ / حساس به
✅ Adapt to norms: Adjust to the accepted rules or behaviors, سازگار شدن با هنجارها
✅ Significantly more accommodating: Much more willing to adjust or help, بهطور چشمگیر سازشپذیرتر
✅ Competitive team: A group focused on winning or outperforming others, تیم رقابتی
✅ Natural tendency: Usual behavior or inclination, گرایش طبیعی
✅ Speak up / speak out: Express your opinion openly, نظر خود را آشکار گفتن
🔴Speak up → بیشتر به وضوح و بلندی صدا یا اعتمادبهنفس فردی مربوطه.
🔴Speak out → بیشتر به موضعگیری علنی و جدی مربوطه.
✅ Fight like hell: Fight very hard/with determination, سخت جنگیدن / با تمام قوا تلاش کردن
✅ Built-in challenge network: A natural system of pushing each other, شبکۀ ذاتی چالش
✅ Unfazed by: Not affected or bothered by, بیتفاوت به / بیتأثیر از
✅ Pounce on an idea: Attack or criticize an idea immediately, به ایده حمله کردن
✅ Sensitive to criticism: Easily affected by negative feedback, حساس به انتقاد
✅ Go into challenge mode: Switch into a critical or argumentative mindset, وارد حالت چالشی شدن
✅ Demolish an idea: Destroy or strongly disprove an idea,