Michelle’s first birth began with an induction via an artificial rupture of membranes at 42 weeks per the recommendation of her midwives. Looking back, Michelle realizes that many factors contributed to what may have been a preventable Cesarean. Right after the first trimester of her second pregnancy and at the height of COVID, Michelle’s husband deployed. Knowing he wouldn’t be home for her birth, Michelle did everything in her power to fight for the redemptive VBAC she deserved. We are in awe of Michelle’s strength, resilience, and all ...
Michelle’s first birth began with an induction via an artificial rupture of membranes at 42 weeks per the recommendation of her midwives. Looking back, Michelle realizes that many factors contributed to what may have been a preventable Cesarean.
Right after the first trimester of her second pregnancy and at the height of COVID, Michelle’s husband deployed. Knowing he wouldn’t be home for her birth, Michelle did everything in her power to fight for the redemptive VBAC she deserved. We are in awe of Michelle’s strength, resilience, and all of her impressive victories along the way!
PLUS…as a certified professional midwife, educator, and a monitrice/labor/bereavement doula with a wealth of knowledge and experience, our guest cohost, Katrina, shares her top five tips on how to have your most empowering birth experience.
Additional links
Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols
Katrina’s Website
Katrina's Instagram
How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents
Full transcript
Note: All transcripts are edited to correct grammar, false starts, and filler words.
Meagan: Welcome, everybody. You are listening to The VBAC Link Podcast. This is your host, Meagan and we have a cohost today. This actually is someone I know personally too. She is one of our VBAC doulas and she’s even a midwife now. This is Katrina.
Katrina: Hello.
Meagan: Thank you so much for being with us today.
Katrina: Thanks for having me.
Meagan: It’s so fun to have you. She used to live here in Utah and then she moved far away. Not really that far, but you feel so far now.
Katrina: Yes, yes. I know, I miss everybody.
Meagan: But you are doing amazing things where you are at. You are in California, right?
Katrina: I am, yes, here on the central coast, so San Luis Obispo county.
Meagan: Perfect. Do you want to tell everyone what you are up to these days?
Katrina: Sure, yeah. A lot is going on for me. I am a licensed midwife– a certified professional midwife. I’m an educator. I do placenta encapsulation. I’m a labor and bereavement doula. I have a small and intimate practice here on the central coast in Templeton, California where I offer midwifery services, clinical sneak peek, gender draw, monitrice and doula services, encapsulation, and well-woman care.
Meagan: Holy smokes.
Katrina: A little bit of everything, but I love it all.
Meagan: I don’t know if you have enough fingers and toes for all of the things you are dipped into, but that is incredible. Holy cow.
Katrina: Thank you.
Meagan: We’re going to make sure everybody if you’re in her area, we’re going to make sure to have all of her information so you can find her here in the show notes. So don’t hesitate to check those out and go find her. She’s incredible, you guys.
Katrina: Thank you.
Meagan: No, thank you. I’m going to turn the time over to you to read a review and then we are going to jump into the incredible story that we have today.
Review of the Week
Katrina: Yes, so I have a review to read today that was sent in by Elizabeth Herrera. She says, “Wishing I had Apple Podcasts right now to leave a review. I hope this does the trick. Thank you so much for creating this whole community. After my emergency Cesarean in 2019, I looked up everything possible about being able to VBAC. This led me to your wonderful podcast and blog. I devoured everything. I owe much of my knowledge to you all and to my doula. I’m happy to say that I had my VBAC on March 31st and it was a magical experience. Thank you all so much for all of the materials you have provided which helped me succeed. I hope one day to share my story on your podcast. Many, many thanks.”
Meagan: Oh, I love that. We want to keep reminding you guys, we are always taking submissions for podcast recording and I am going to be recording– we are kind of backed up, so if you want to share your story on the podcast or if you want to share your story on social media which we are also doing, please email us or go to our website, thevbaclink.com/share and you can submit your story. Because we don’t have as many podcasts as we do posts on social media, feel free to post your information there and we are happy to post your story and share.
Every single day, people are searching our Instagram looking for stories to read because they want to hear them. They want to read. They want all of them. I’m sure if you are preparing, you know what I’m talking about. You want it all. You want to digest it all. So if you want to read or share, head over to thevbaclink.com/share and submit your story.
Michelle’s Story
Meagan: Okay. Michelle from Iowa. So excited for you to share your story. As I was reading through a little bit about your summary of everything, one of the things that stood out to me and connected was the feeling of not wanting to be recovering from a Cesarean with a second child, with a little one already around. Even though you have lots of support around, not wanting to have to recover and do that alone because your husband was deployed.
My husband wasn’t deployed, but he didn’t have a lot of time off and had to go right back to work so I was like, “Oh my gosh. I don’t if I’m going to recover.” I did have to recover with that because I did have a repeat Cesarean, but I was like, “Oh, I understand that want so badly to not have to have that second Cesarean to recover and raise two kiddos without that support, right?”
Michelle: Yes, yes.
Meagan: I connected with that so much. But okay. And I also connected with your baby turning breech a couple of times. That’s so stressful.
Michelle: Yes, I was so scared.
Meagan: Oh my gosh. With my VBAC, my little guy kept flipping. I’m like, “No. I am not going to have a repeat Cesarean because this guy cannot keep his head down.” Okay. We would love to turn the time over to you and share your story.
Michelle: Yes. Jumping in with my first pregnancy, I thought it was a pretty healthy pregnancy. It seemed pretty normal and everything. I didn’t have any gestational diabetes. I did end up with quite a bit of fluid retention starting pretty early on, but my blood pressure is always really low, so my midwives weren’t really worried about it at all.
I had hospital-based midwives for that birth. Looking back, my diet was not good at all. I remember I would read about if you have a craving, just have a little bit of it even if it’s something that’s not super healthy. So I’d have a tiny little bowl of ice cream, then I’m like, “Well, that’s not enough. I have to have a giant bowl of ice cream too.”
Meagan: Uh-huh. That’s the thing is that sometimes those little tastes can be eating the whole gallon of ice cream.
Michelle: Yes, and then when I stopped working at 39 weeks, I didn’t feel like cooking myself lunch, so I would just have a microwaved s’more for lunch. Just in general, I was not very good, but I thought I felt okay for being pregnant.
Like I said, I didn’t have any gestational diabetes, but I was measuring a little bit big around 33 weeks, so they ended up wanting to do a growth scan. That came back just fine. He was in the 50th percentile, around that area, except for his head. His head was in the 98th percentile. I do have big heads in my family, so I wasn’t too worried about that.
My midwives, most of them, weren’t too worried about that, but there was one that kept bringing it up when I would see her. She’d be like, “Oh. Maybe he’s having a hard time–” we didn’t know it was a “he.” “Maybe the baby’s having a hard time engaging because he has a big head, whereas some of the others were more encouraging. It was like, “Maybe he had a growth spurt in his head and the rest of his body will catch up later.”
But this one midwife just kept mentioning that. That same midwife, I also noticed, where some of the others would spend several minutes feeling around my belly to make sure they knew what position he was in, I had one check where she felt for his head, “Oh, his head’s down,” so she just listed him as OA and didn’t check anything else.
Yeah. I didn’t think too much of it at the time. I got along with her personally and everything. We’re going along and I’m trying to do everything naturally, so I just kept waiting to go into labor and it didn’t happen. We get to 42 weeks and I’m not ready to wait anymore. I’m comfortable waiting anymore. My midwives are not comfortable waiting anymore, so I went in for an induction.
Because I wanted to do everything naturally, what they suggested and what I agreed to was to have them break my water to have my body go into labor on its own. The midwife that was on that day was this midwife who kept doubting that I would be able to. She never said, “I don’t think you’ll be able to push out the baby with a big head,” but she kept mentioning his big head even when I went in for the induction.
So I had them break my water. I think I was probably, I want to say 2-3 centimeters before they broke it and I think I must have been 4 centimeters because she must have stretched me to 4 centimeters because she said, “You’re now in active labor,” which didn’t make sense to me.
Meagan: Yeah.
Michelle: I was having some contractions that morning, but I didn’t think that I was in active labor.
Meagan: Nothing substantial to be in active labor.
Michelle: Yeah. But yeah, she must have thought, “Oh. You’re in 4 centimeters so you’re in active labor.” Anyway, so I was walking the halls and I was in the tub. Things were going okay. I eventually ended up with the epidural and everything and Pitocin. I kept dilating. Everything was going fine.
But 12 hours later– and I had multiple, multiple cervical checks. I get to about 12 hours later. I’m basically fully dilated. I’m 9.5 centimeters and I’ve got an interior lip. She keeps telling me, “He hasn’t descended at all.” And then she did say, “He descended a little bit, but it’s just the molding of the head. He’s not actually descending.” His heart started getting a little bit elevated, so they started worrying about an infection.
I was a little bit confused about it at the time, but I wasn’t able to think too much of it because my epidural had fallen out. So I’d had all of this build up into transition and everything plus Pitocin without being able to feel it, and now I’m feeling everything.
So I wasn’t able to think too much of it, but they just took me back for a C-section. We agreed to it, but we didn’t ask any questions. My question that to this day I have not had answered is, “Why didn’t they have me at least try to push? I was basically dilated.” But in my head at the time, I was just like, “Well, she must just know that he is stuck, so he needs to come out.”
Like I said, she didn’t really believe in me. I guess she just didn’t think he was going to come out. Plus, it was probably 10:30 at that point, so I don’t know what time shift ends, but I just felt like she didn’t really try. She wasn’t in the room that much. She didn’t really give me that many suggestions, just was there and gone.
Meagan: Kind of left you feeling hanging.
Michelle: Mhmm, and unsupported. Yes, yes. So they took me back for the C-section and everything went pretty well. I had a pretty good recovery, but even from the day after my C-section, I was planning for a VBAC.
So at my 6-week follow-up appointment, a different midwife from the same practice looked at my chart and she was like, “Yeah you can probably have a VBAC no problem with a smaller baby, just 7-8 pounds.” she looked at my chart and say I gained 55 pounds with my pregnancy and she was like, “Next pregnancy, just eat popcorn and salad and you’ll grow a smaller baby and be just fine.”
Meagan: Oh! Oh. Well…
Michelle: Yeah. So I started looking around after that trying to find out what my other options were for the next baby. At about 7 months postpartum, I was able to find a home birth midwife who said she would be able to see me for a VBAC. She would do nutritional counseling because she was like, “Yeah, that swelling was probably because you didn’t have enough protein in your diet.” I’m like, “Yeah, that probably makes sense.”
So she said that she would see me for a VBAC whenever that would happen. She would do nutritional counseling and be able to do a home birth at least out of the hospital because I did live kind of far away from a hospital. I wasn’t necessarily comfortable doing an actual home birth.
Also, about 1-2 months, somewhere in there, after our son was born, we did find out that my husband was going to be deployed. He’s with the National Guard, so we didn’t know when it was going to happen. We knew it was going to happen, but thankfully, we had quite a bit of warning. I know some people in the regular Army are living far away from family and deployments can happen at a moment’s notice. Thankfully, that was not the case for us.
Since he’s National Guard, we were able to live where we live. We were able to live close to family.
Meagan: Yeah.
Michelle: So I’m very thankful for that. And again, we knew that the deployment was going to be coming. We had lots of notice instead of not very much notice. But that did make it very difficult because we didn’t know exactly when it was going to be. We wanted to try to plan for another baby and that made it difficult to do because we didn’t know how to time it. Obviously, things don’t always work according to plan anyway.
Meagan: Mhmm, yeah.
Michelle: But we ended up getting pregnant when my son was 19 months old. Basically how it ended up working out was I was right at the end of my first trimester when my husband left. I was thankful he was there for at least the first trimester. That helped so much.
Meagan: Absolutely.
Michelle: And that was the beginning of COVID, so he was actually home quite a bit. He took a few extra weeks off of his job to quarantine and stuff, but also just to be home which was so nice. But when I got pregnant, I started looking around for out-of-hospital options because that’s what I really wanted this whole time.
No one in my area wanted to see me for a VBAC because I hadn’t had any vaginal births before. I didn’t have a proven pelvis. Even the home birth midwife who had said she would see me for a VBAC wanted me to have a vaginal birth in the hospital before seeing me for a VBAC later. But she did agree to see me for nutritional counseling and to be my doula in the hospital with this particular midwife practice.
Meagan: Great.
Michelle: Yeah, that seemed agreeable to me. I had come to the point where I believed in my body’s ability to birth a big baby, but at the same time, I was ready to commit to a much healthier diet in order to be able to hopefully grow a smaller baby so that I wouldn’t have to fight with any providers about it to have them not try to use scare tactics or anything.
I read the book Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols. Such a good book.
Meagan: I love that book, yes.
Michelle: I felt so much better through my whole pregnancy even in the first trimester just focusing on eating protein with every snack, trying to go for more complex carbs, keep my blood sugar helped so much with morning sickness and I just felt so much better.
Meagan: Good, that’s awesome.
Katrina: No, I was just going to say that nutrition– we don’t really often put too much time or thought into it but it can make such a difference in terms of how we feel, how we carry our babies, and even just our mental capacity and caseload when we’re well-nourished.
Meagan: Mhmm.
Michelle: Yes.
Meagan: Yeah, I was going to say that it’s crazy how just switching it up ever so slightly can truly impact, like you said, the way you felt and then even outcomes as well. And recovery.
Katrina: Absolutely and kudos to that midwife who stepped up and helped you with that nutritional component because I do feel like oftentimes, that’s one of the pieces and elements that is left out of prenatal care.
Michelle: Yes.
Katrina: We talk about, “Are you exercising?” We weigh you. We say, “Oh, you’re gaining too much or not enough,” but that piece of, “Okay, well what are you eating? What are you taking in? Is it processed foods? What are you eating?” I think sometimes, is just really overlooked even though it can have such a monumental impact on you, your body, and your baby.
Michelle: Yes. And like I said, after my first, they would be like– the only nutritional guidance I got was, “Oh, you can eat popcorn and salad.” That’s just not really helpful.
Meagan: No.
Katrina: No, it’s not.
Meagan: Not necessarily the tips that you had been wanting with you.
Michelle: Yeah, so then the midwife practice that I was seeing close to where I lived– like I said, another hospital-based midwife practice. Again, I felt like I could get along with the midwives personally, but just every now and again, some less-helpful pieces were sprinkled in.
For instance, I mentioned that one of the reasons I really wanted a VBAC was because we wanted to have a big family and I didn’t want the size of my family determined by the way I give birth. So she was just like, “Yeah, I understand that, but you know, you might get to four kids and not really want anymore anyway.” I’m like, “Okay, but that’s still not how I want my family size to be determined.”
Katrina: Right.
Michelle: I just felt like there was a lack of trust from the beginning. I just felt like I wasn’t able to make my own choices. They used a VBAC calculator to determine whether I was even eligible to be in their practice. They had a 41-week deadline where I had to have the baby or be induced. I was like, “I went to 42 weeks last time and I’m okay with doing that again. I’m all set to do that again.” But if I didn’t agree to be induced by 41 weeks, I would risk out of their care and I’d have to be seen by the OBs who are not as VBAC friendly.
I also felt like I didn’t have any choices with the glucose test. I asked about alternatives and they didn’t allow any of that. I asked about if I was to agree to be induced, how would I be induced? Their preferred method of induction was the artificial rupture of membranes which I was absolutely deadset against. I feel like that’s the number one reason I ended up with a C-section with my son because I felt like–
Meagan: Mmm, too early? Because then with the decels and all of that?
Michelle: Yeah, the infection risk as well as my feeling that since it was so early and he was kind of high beforehand, I just felt like it had him settle in a bad position and he couldn’t get out of it.
Meagan: Mhmm, yeah. Totally.
Michelle: So I was deadset against artificial rupture of membranes, especially artificial rupture of membranes as the induction method. And then they would do Pitocin after that. But they wouldn’t do a Foley bulb or anything because apparently somehow, they said that it increases rupture risk. I was like, “That doesn’t sound right to me.”
Even when I went in for my anatomy scan, because it was COVID like I said, and I had heard so many other people be like, “Yeah, I was able to do a video call with my husband because he wasn’t able to be in the room for the anatomy scan.” I thought I would be able to do the same. They were absolutely like, “No way. You can’t have any sort of video recording device.”
I had a total breakdown at that point. I was like, “This is one of the very, very few parts of my pregnancy that my husband can be a part of because he’s gone. He’s never going to be able to feel her kick because she was too small before he left and she is going to be born by the time he gets back. He can’t feel her kick inside me. There’s no other part that he can be a part of.”
Finally, they at least let me have him on an audio call.
Meagan: Oh my gosh. I’m just over here shaking my head.
Katrina: I know. Well, and how disempowering for them to pull everything away from you like that. Especially during COVID.
Michelle: Yes.
Meagan: Mhmm, yeah. And unfortunately, we know you’re not the only one that had similar situations like this. I was so frustrated and I’m still frustrated just listening to you. Oh, I’m sorry.
Michelle: So yeah. Again, just a lot of things where I just felt like I didn’t have choices and didn’t have a lot of trust. Finally, my breaking point was when I got to my glucose test. I felt great afterward. I was just like, “I’m so excited to get my results. I feel good that I passed. I want to get my results and get on with my life and not worry about it anymore.”
I waited for the call with my results and I didn’t get one. It just kept not coming and finally, I don’t remember if it was a day later. It was far after I was supposed to get my results. I finally got a call and they were like, “Our lab lost your sample. We weren’t able to test it.”
Katrina: Oh no.
Michelle: I had to go back in and do a second one-hour glucose test and I felt horrible afterward. I had such a bad headache, heartburn, and stomachache. You name it. I got my results back and it was pretty high. I was like, “I don’t even trust that this is actually my result because they lost my sample last time.” That’s when I realized that I just didn’t trust this practice.
I know it’s a good practice. I even heard a story on this podcast from someone who went to the same practice and had a great experience. It’s a good practice. It just, in my situation, I didn’t feel like I had the choices that I wanted.
Meagan: Yeah. Well, just when you hear, “Oh, this VBAC-supportive provider was super amazing,” that’s great for them, but it may not be the right supportive provider for you.
Katrina: Right.
Meagan: It’s the same thing with location and everything like that. Even though there are some people who have had amazing experiences, that doesn’t mean that it’s the right place or you are feeling the support that someone else may have felt.
Michelle: Yeah. So at that point when I finally realized that I don’t trust this practice, I called the midwife who was going to be my doula and she was like, “Yeah, I’ve been kind of holding onto this, but if you feel like you don’t trust them, maybe you should just go to Iowa City.” I had been thinking that too, so I was like, “Yeah. I think it’s time.”
So I switched to Iowa City, but because she is a home birth midwife as well, she wasn’t able to make the trip with me because she had her own clients for home birth. So I had to find a new doula. I switched practices around 29 weeks, so then I was 31, 32, 33 weeks looking for a doula and all of the doulas in my area were booked.
I finally found one and even though I was traveling to Iowa City which is about a 2-hour drive for me, I wanted to choose one from my own area just in case something happened. I was due in December so if there was a snowstorm or if I was having a really fast labor and I couldn’t make it all the way, I still wanted to have my doula with me.
I chose one from my own area. I was finally able to find one, and then now that I was traveling for two hours, I’m like, “There’s no way that I’m going to take a 3-hour glucose test because that’s now a 7-hour ordeal trying to drive two hours while starving and then three hours there, then two hours back while having a glucose hangover.”
I just decided that I was going to test my glucose every day. I thought at first that they were going to let me do it just for a week, but then they said that since my one-hour test was already elevated, they wanted me to do it for the rest of my pregnancy. I’m like, “You know what? That is still worth it.”
I started doing the 4-hour round trip every two weeks and then every week. It was a lot, but it was totally worth the peace of mind just knowing that if for whatever reason I do end up with a C-section, it’s going to be because I actually needed it and not because I was scared into it, because they didn’t have enough patience or anything like that.
And plus, I was able to listen to The VBAC Link podcast on the way. That was my companion for the drive there. I started doing all of the things for prep– eating the dates, drinking the tea, doing the walks, and going to the chiropractor. Apparently, I created too much space for my baby because then at 37 weeks, I found out that my baby was breech.
That particular day, my midwife made it a little bit scarier like, “Oh, you can try the ECV. These are the things that you can do, but if your baby’s breech, then you’re going to have to have a C-section.” That was a stressful day and a long drive home.
That same day, I found out that I had been exposed to COVID. I ended up testing positive for that. I didn’t end up having any symptoms beyond regular pregnancy symptoms. My nose was already stuffy every day. I was tired because I was 37-38 weeks pregnant trying to chase around a 2-year-old by myself, but everyone thought I was going to die.
It was just like, “I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” But within the next couple of days, I was doing the Miles Circuit every night. One night I fell asleep doing it and when I woke up, everything was different. All of her movements were different. I was like, “All right. She’s head down again. We can keep going along.”
We were able to confirm at my next appointment that she was, in fact, head down. I finished my quarantine. I was able to start going back to the chiropractor. I got to 40 weeks and my little gymnast keeps doing flips and she was breech again.
Meagan: Oh, so stressful.
Katrina: Yes.
Michelle: Yes, but a little bit less stressful this time just because my midwife was so much calmer about it. She was like, “If baby is still flipping around at this point, she can do it again.” That helped so much just having her calm presence with the whole thing. We went ahead and scheduled the ECV just in case. She was like, “Well, if we have the ECV and it’s successful, we will just go ahead and induce you because you are already 40 weeks, and that way she doesn’t have a chance to come out of your pelvis and flip again.”
I was able to flip her again with the Miles Circuit. At that point, I started belly binding because I think I had a pendulous belly probably, looking back. I just think that my uterus was a little tipped forward so she couldn’t settle in my pelvis and had all of that room to be free-floating and flipping around.
So then we get to 40 weeks and 6 days. I started feeling some contractions. It was 12:30 in the afternoon. I was like, “This feels a little bit different.” I hadn’t had any Braxton Hicks contractions that would be a little bit uncomfortable. Mostly, it was just tightening like, “Hmm. This one actually is a little bit uncomfortable.”
But it didn’t really feel like too much yet so I just went about my day. I was scared to lie down because I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t want to rest. My mom came in that evening because I was supposed to have an appointment the next morning, but the contractions kept going. Toward the evening, I finally started contacting my doula, the hospital, and then my sister-in-law who was going to drive me to the hospital.
I tried doing some resting. I took a bath and then I was able to put my son to bed as an only child for the last time. I was glad that I was able to do that. Just one last moment of normalcy.
Yeah, so we made the 2-hour drive. We made it to the hospital at about midnight. I was about 4 centimeters. They were able to confirm on the ultrasound that she was head down still. I did make a point to wear my own gown for laboring because I didn’t want to get into that patient mentality.
One thing I did not do that I wish I would have is I did not wear my belly binder, so I think she was still kind of floating around a little bit. I got to my room. They were able to have me on the wireless monitor so I could keep moving around. My belly was so round that they had a hard time keeping it on her.
This whole time, I still didn’t really even feel like I was fully in labor. I was able to have a conversation and I definitely wouldn’t have gone yet if I didn’t have a 2-hour drive. My doula kept encouraging me to rest which I did not want to do. I wanted to be up and moving during the contractions. I felt like if I was on the bed and a contraction hit, then I couldn’t get up to move and it just made it so much worse.
Probably at 5:30-6:00 in the morning, she fell off the monitor which I didn’t think too much of. The nurse came in to adjust it. She’s moving it all around and she finally finds the heartbeat way up high on my abdomen which is where they had always found her heartbeat when she was breech.
Meagan: I was going to say, I bet your heart was thinking, “Breech!”
Michelle: Yeah, I was in total panic. I was like, yeah. I was panicking. I couldn’t stay calm during contractions. I couldn’t relax during contractions anymore. I was just in total panic. My doula and my nurse and everything kept trying to keep me calm. I was just like, “Just let me panic for a minute. This is scary. I don’t want to be calm right now.”
Meagan: Yeah. That’s a valid feeling. It’s okay to get it out and process it versus having to hold it in and deal with it until later. Just let it be for a second.
Michelle: Yeah. It was around 7:00 a.m. when they made it in. The ultrasound confirmed that she was still head down. My thought now was probably that she was descending into my pelvis and where they were able to find it changed. She was still head down, so we were good to go.
At that point, I still couldn’t calm down. I was still in that panic mode. I wasn’t able to cope anymore. So I was like, “As long as she comes out vaginally, I don’t care. I wanted to go all-natural, but now I don’t care. Just give me the epidural. Get her out.” My doula was like, “Yeah, you can have the epidural if you want, but let’s try the shower first.”
The shower was awesome. Instant relief. Immediately, I was like, “I can think clearly again. I can relax during contractions.” But then almost immediately after that, I started wanting to push. I told my doula, I was like, “I feel like I’m going to push her out really fast.” My doula was like, “Well, you still will need to probably pace yourself. The first time pushing, it’s probably going to be a while.”
I got out of the shower. She encouraged me to labor down on the toilet. That’s when I started actively, involuntarily pushing. My water broke almost right away and it was kind of funny because I immediately hopped off of the toilet. I thought I had accidentally pushed out my baby in the toilet, but it was just my water breaking.”
Meagan: It’s crazy how sometimes, that water right?
Michelle: Yeah.
Meagan: We never know how it’s going to happen or what it’s going to feel like,
Michelle: Yeah, and again, it hadn’t happened naturally for my first either. I wasn’t ready for it even though I had been in labor for 19 hours. I just wasn’t ready for it. But yeah. They got me off the toilet. They could see, obviously, that I was pushing so they were like, “We’d better go check and see if you’re complete.”
They tried to get me back to the bed and someone told me that they wanted me on my back for a cervical check. I wanted to go on the bed and go on my hands and knees, but I was told that I had to get on my back. I made it on the bed. I made it on my side and I was like, “I’m not moving anymore. I’m done. I’m not moving anywhere.”
So then I was complete. They were letting me push. I was like, “Well, that’s good because there is no way I’m going to be able to stop even if you tell me that I can’t.”
Katrina: Yeah, once your body takes over control, that’s it.
Michelle: Yeah. I felt really good having my legs closed trying to push, but they had me keep opening my legs. In retrospect, I can’t help but wonder if they would have let me have my knees together and my feel apart if that would have felt better for me, but that’s not what happened.
The funny thing is what I remember most is what I could hear throughout this whole thing. When they were trying to open my legs for me or getting things ready and I didn’t like it, I just remember saying, “No, no, no.” I just remember thinking even at that moment, I just feel like I sounded like my son. I feel like I sounded like my two-year-old, but that was all I could say at the time.
And then I just remember the sound of myself grunting while I was pushing. I remember the sound of everyone in the room really loudly saying, “Yes, yes, yes! Push!” They weren’t coaching, but really loudly encouraging. Behind all of that, what I really remember and what really stands out to me is that I was able to have my husband on FaceTime and his voice being the calm voice, just the calm, steady encouragement. That was so helpful.
Yeah, that’s what I remember most, and being on my side. What I did really like about it was being able to completely and totally relax my whole body in between contractions. If I had been on my hands and knees, I would still have to hold myself up. But being on my side was total rest during contractions which was really nice.
Meagan: Really lovely, I’m sure.
Michelle: Yeah. So then she was born at 8:14 a.m., so I had been in the hospital for 8 hours. She was born OP. I only pushed for 11 minutes.
Meagan: Whew!
Katrina: Wow, that’s amazing.
Michelle: Yeah. My first thought is, “Yeah, I probably could have–” She was a lot smaller than my son, but if he was in a good position and she was OP. If I could push her out in 11 minutes, I probably could have pushed him out if he had been in a good position. To everyone who doubted me, I’m pretty sure I could have done that.
But I was able to announce the gender because we didn’t know beforehand, so I got to do that. I got to cut the cord which was great and very special. I did end up having a third degree tear and definitely some sacral bruising which makes sense because she came out really fast and she was OP. She was just over 2.5 pounds smaller than her brother. It kind of makes sense where she got all of that extra room to be flipping around.
But even with some of the bigger injuries of the third-degree tear, I still felt like what most people describe as a second-degree tear, so I had a pretty easy recovery. It was still easier than a C-section even though I had an easy recovery from my C-section. I will say that I did also have a little bit of a lack of immediate connection just being completely unmedicated and not quite expecting her to come that fast.
My first thought when they pulled her out and put her on me was, “Where did this baby come from? This is not my baby.” But of course, it was because no one else brought a baby in from another room. This is my baby that I just pushed out.
Meagan: Just magically appeared right here. “I did do something before this.” That’s so cute.
Michelle: But yeah, she was the first vaginal birth out of all the grandkids on both sides of the family. They’ve all been born by C-sections for various reasons.
Meagan: Oh, really?
Michelle: Yeah.
Meagan: Interesting.
Michelle: My parents have six kids. The first two were born vaginally, but then they had some pretty adverse birth injuries, so they had her have C-sections for the last four of us, so on my side of the family, she is the first baby born vaginally in 40 years.
Katrina: Whoa.
Michelle: So that was pretty cool being able to break the traditions and set my own standards and goalposts.
Meagan: Yeah.
Katrina: Yeah.
Meagan: That’s fun, so what did everybody think when you were like, “Hey, I want to go for this VBAC” in your family?
Michelle: Well, my mom definitely understood but didn’t understand. I mean, for the most part, my family was pretty supportive. My husband was very supportive. His mom has eight kids. They were all natural. The last one was a home birth, so they are all on board with all-natural. So yeah. They were supportive for the most part. Like I said, my mom understood but didn’t understand. She didn’t understand not wanting to be induced.
Meagan: Didn’t fully understand.
Michelle: Yeah, she didn’t understand me wanting to make my own decisions rather than just following whatever the provider says.
Meagan: Mhmm, yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. Well, congratulations.
Michelle: Thank you.
Katrina: Yeah.
Michelle: It’s been a little while now. She’ll be two in December and it’s great too because I never was able to decide where to start on writing down a birth story or anything, so it’s nice being able to fully get it out all in order and everything.
Meagan: Mhmm, I love it. Awesome. Well, Ms. Katrina has a little bit of our end-of-topic. You know how at the end of episodes, we like to share an extra topic? I’m so excited to hear what she is going to bring to you.
Katrina’s 5 Tips
Katrina: Yes, yeah. I have a few tips that I’d like to share and then I have a little bit of a piece of home birth after Cesarean that I wanted to share that I attended. The beliefs that you hold in the abilities of your mind and your body are hugely influential in preparing for your birth. The following are some tips that I’ve put together to support an empowering birth experience.
The first is to cultivate your physical, mental, and spiritual strength, stamina, and endurance.
The second is to love yourself. Be mindful of your nutrition and your hydration. Manage your stress. Make yourself a priority when it comes to self-care in both emotional and physical elements and prioritize your rest and sleep.
Number three: build the best birth team you can and one that will support you in all components of your pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum periods including emotional, mental, and physical support. Don’t forget that this birth team works for you and you can replace team members at any point if they no longer align with your values and your goals.
Number four: arm your toolbelt with knowledge. Practice physical positioning and utilization of your comfort tools.
And lastly, number five: move, move, move. Your mind, body, and baby need movement and motion throughout your pregnancy, labor, birth, and beyond.
In closing, I just wanted to share that I trust birth fully. I believe in personal autonomy, informed decision-making and consent, and birth options for all birthing people. I wanted to share– like I said earlier, I had the honor and privilege of attending a beautiful home birth after a Cesarean just over a year ago. This family was amazingly strong and determined. They birthed their baby in the comfort of their home at 42 weeks on the dot and had a beautiful baby boy who was 11 pounds and 15 ounces.
Meagan: Whew! I love it. That just gave me chills because it’s like, yes. This is possible. This is possible.
Katrina: It is. It’s possible. Women and birthing people are amazing and incredible. I truly believe following your intuition and seeking the support that you feel that you need and desire is just monumental in terms of the entire birth experience.
Meagan: It goes back to even proven pelvis and all of that, right? Why, why, why do we have to prove ourselves? Why do we have to do that? Because I feel like, when someone says, “I can’t do this because you have to prove to me,” and then if we don’t “prove” in the way that they see it, then we feel like we failed. This failure word, this word fail comes up way too often and I don’t like it. I don’t like it.
Katrina: Right, and ultimately, everyone should have the opportunity to have a trial of labor. There’s no reason to not let people do that.
Meagan: Absolutely. I agree. Absolutely. I love it. Thank you both for being with me today. So happy that you were both with me.
Katrina: Thank you and congratulations, Michelle. I love your story.
Michelle: Thank you. Yeah, thanks for having me on. It’s an honor to be able to finally share my story. It’s great to be on after listening throughout my pregnancy and everything.
Meagan: Yes, yes. I love it. Well, thank you both for your time, and again, congratulations, Michelle. Katrina, I’m blown away by all of the amazing things that you are doing. You always have been amazing, but it’s like you just keep adding to this amazing resume. I’m so happy for you.
Katrina: Thank you. Thank you.
Closing
Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donations
Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
