How to Gain Confidence

2020-02-14

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So...when you ask any golfer - beginner, to intermediate to pro...what do you think is required for you to have to play great golf, you know what their answer is? Well, let's try it out. Let me ask you, what do you think is the number one thing that you think you'll need to have to play great golf. And I don't mean things like...a great swing, or an ability to read the putts well or be able to hit it long or having the latest and the greatest equipment...what I mean is what you'll need to possess as a player. Like a characteristic, emotion or a feeling that will elevate your game and help you play your best. One word. CONFIDENCE. I don't think anyone will disagree with any sports or even anything in life...that confidence is a good thing and sometimes, it's really a game-changer. So, I want to spend some time talking about what I think it is, and how we can implement and grow it within us so that we can be at our best.

But first, what is confidence? Well, I think it's a belief. It's a belief in yourself that you have the ability to do what is set before you and the ability to do it well. And that you have a pretty realistic sense of that and you feel very secure in that knowledge.

So, is this a born trait? Some people just have it and some people don't? Or, is this related to some type of childhood upbringing or trauma? You have a parent or coach that told you that you are beyond talented and that you can do anything, vs you grew up everyone telling you that you suck and you'll never measure up?

Is confidence innate or is it learned? Well, thanks for asking...such a great question you guys. I think we fundamentally misunderstand it. I think most of us think that it's a personality trait.

The students' self-perceived ability was a significant predictor of achievement. It was even more important than their IQ. So, this is huge!! Especially when we apply this in golf. Our perceived ability...let's go back to our original definition of confidence, confidence is your belief in yourself that you have the ability to do what is set before you and the ability to do it well. And that you have a pretty realistic sense of that you feel very secure in that knowledge...that trumps our IQ. It doesn't matter how smart you really are...it doesn't matter how great and talented you are...it's the fact that you believe in yourself that you have the ability to do it. That's what matters most when it comes to performance.

So, what does that mean? It means that when you are faced with a shot that you know how to do, the "how-to" is not as important as you believing that you can do it. Mind blown.

So, as I said before, you might be blessed with awesome genetics of confidence...you are just a confident person and it comes easy to you. Which is awesome, you can step up and sink a clutch putt and pull crazy shots out of the bag at opportune moments...it's just within your DNA...and trust me, I know athletes like this. But, if you are that person, it's still good for you to recognize and continue to work on building your confidence in other aspects of your game. And for the rest of us, I included, I need some help on how to level up my confidence now knowing that it's a key to my golf….my golf success.

So, I did some more study and research and I've listed 3 best ways to improve your confidence.

Gain experience

Duh, this sounds so logical and simple yet a lot of people miss this. Someone will say, man, I am having a lot of challenges with my chipping. I am duffing it a lot and I feel so much uncertainty when I am addressing the ball for a chip. Instead of trying to think just happy thoughts before the chip thinking that will solve your problem, how about you spend an hour hitting chips over and over again? Gain experience hit 10, 20, 30. 100 in a row without duffing it. You will naturally gain confidence. You will start to program your mind that the next shot will go the same as your last 30 shots. Keep building that by creating an experience. Create experience by repeating.

Also, I want you to listen to episode 5 on the secret sauce to awesome practice. I talk about this deep research on what repetitive practice can do. It's awesome!! It has something to do with Myelin and your neural pathway. It will really help you gain perspective on what "experience" can do for your game.

Build Authentic and Healthy Mindset

I really like this because a lot of sports psychology talks about confidence like it's just a state of mind. Think and act confident and you will become confident. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say…"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" and people will start liking you. Lol. I think there's a bit of truth in that but also I think we are smarter than we think. Meaning, we can't fool ourselves. Our confidence has to be authentic. If we suck at something, we can't all of a sudden switch our minds to think that we are good at it.

So, how do we build an authentic and healthy mindset? We have to put in the work. Some say confidence is something we have to earn...and guess what, struggling builds confidence. Failure breeds wisdom and maturity. We need to fail and experience discomfort, and over time, build a track record of demonstrated success. Not having confidence is not a personal flaw, it just means that you simply need to put in the work.

So, ok, Hanju...that sounds good and I am totally on board. But, I am doing all that and I still need help being confident out there. I know I can do it, but I also have doubts . How do I overcome my doubts and play my best?

Release Fear

Here's your final answer. You can overcome your doubts by simply letting go. You can gain control by simply...letting go. And by letting go, you can turn your fear into freedom. Let me play you an audio from a youtube video from Jeff Ritter sharing about how he increased his confidence and his idea of what releasing fear looks like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfCpJIr-nI4

The main thing to remember through all this is this:

Confidence is gained by experience.
Confidence has to be authentic and you can build an authentic and healthy mindset through trial and error and putting in the work. Confidence has to be earned.
Confidence is gained by releasing fear. We need to be reckless to gain freedom.

Summary

And here's my final advice. Separate ourselves from our shots from who we are. Just because we hit a bad shot doesn't mean we are a bad golfer. Great golfers hit bad shots. The shot was bad because it was missed and it was missed because we are not perfect. Hold your head up high, walk with your back straight, stay balanced and beautify your finish and follow through no matter where the ball goes. If it was miss-hit? Forget what happened, don't blame yourself, don't think that you are a bad player. And re-focus on your next shot. Do this over and over again. Because you've done it before and you can do it again.

Believe in yourself, believe that you have the ability to do what is set before you and the ability to do it well. And that you have a realistic and authentic sense of that and that you feel secure in it.

You'll play better, you'll feel better and you'll even look better. I guarantee it.

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