How People Pleasing, Codependency, and Perfectionism Keep the Nervous System Stuck with Béa Albina

⁠⁠⁠LEARN HOW TO JOURNALSPEAK In this episode, I’m joined by Béa Albina, nurse practitioner, somatic practitioner, and the author and creator of Emotional Outsourcing, for a conversation that gets right to the heart of why so many of us abandon ourselves in the name of being good, helpful, agreeable, easy, impressive, or needed. Béa defines emotional outsourcing as the chronic habit of sourcing our safety, belonging, and worth from everyone and everything outside of ourselves, instead of from within, and we unpack how deeply this pattern can become wired into the nervous system. For so many of us, especially women raised inside cultural expectations to be pleasant, useful, low-maintenance, and not “too much,” people pleasing and codependency were not personality flaws. They were survival strategies. This conversation is such an important bridge between the emotional life and the body. We talk about the way chronic self-abandonment, resentment, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and the constant scanning of other people’s moods can create a fertile environment for symptoms, anxiety, and nervous system dysregulation. Béa and I explore why awareness is the first doorway into healing, how somatic practices help us come back into relationship with ourselves, and why the smallest “newborn kitten steps” can be the beginning of profound change. We also talk about boundaries, self-compassion, the power of intentional language, and what it really means to stop outsourcing your sense of worth and begin building safety inside your own body. In this episode, we discuss emotional outsourcing as a new way to understand codependency, perfectionism, and people pleasing; why women are so often conditioned to disconnect from their needs in order to stay loved and accepted; how the nervous system learns to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over internal stability; the connection between self-silencing, resentment, chronic symptoms, and emotional repression; why somatic awareness and JournalSpeak are so aligned; how to begin asking the body what it needs; why boundaries are not about controlling other people but about deciding how we will take care of ourselves; and how self-compassion becomes the foundation for real healing instead of just another thing we try to perform perfectly. Béa’s work is compassionate, practical, funny, deeply intelligent, and beautifully aligned with the core message of this podcast: you are not broken, your body is not betraying you, and the patterns that once protected you can be understood, softened, and changed. This is a conversation about coming home to yourself, not in a cheesy way, but in the most biologically necessary way. Because when we stop living as if everyone else gets to decide whether we are safe, lovable, and worthy, the nervous system finally has a chance to exhale. Where to find Béa: Listen to her podcast, Feminist Wellness, read her book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People-Pleasing Habits, and find her on social media under her full name, Beatriz Victoria Albina NP. Lisa and I will be teaching at ⁠⁠Miraval Austin from September 25–27 ⁠⁠for a relaxing, immersive retreat experience rooted in this work. You can learn more by visiting ⁠⁠www.NicoleSachs.com⁠⁠ and clicking the Retreats tab. Find me at ⁠⁠www.NicoleSachs.com⁠⁠, on Instagram ⁠⁠@nicolesachslcsw⁠⁠, and inside my ⁠⁠Heal with Nicole community⁠⁠. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEW SUBSTACK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! So excited about this one :)) Want your questions answered directly by me? 💛 Receive support, guidance, connection, and direct access to me in our HEAL WITH NICOLE MEMBERSHIP: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://tinyurl.com/y7wadt8d⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠1:1 COACHING WITH TRAINED COACHES SUPERVISED DIRECTLY BY NICOLE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW THE PODCAST HERE TO HELP OTHERS FIND IT!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Producer: Lisa Eisenpresser ~~~~~ SUPPORT: 🟠 Struggling with chronic pain? 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Try my Freedom From an Anxious Life course  GET THE FIRST LESSON FREE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/anxietyfree⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  🧠  Learn more about the brain science and clinical experiences in my book   MIND YOUR BODY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/book⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  💛  Receive support, guidance, connection, and direct access to Nicole with  MEMBERSHIP: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ~~~~ THE CURE FOR CHRONIC PAIN JOIN THE CONVERSATION ON INSTAGRAM  👉   ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/nicolesachslcsw⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👉   ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podfollow.com/the-cure-for-chronic-pain-with-nicole-sachs-lcsw⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEARN ABOUT ANNUAL OMEGA RETREAT ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👉   ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/work-with-nicole⁠⁠⁠⁠ Podcast music by the beautiful and talented Danielle Furst: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@musicfurst⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. 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