For many weeks in the beginning of this experiment, I was tumbling and twisting and rolling inside a tornado of my thoughts. “I am confused. I am sad. I am unhappy.” I believed I was those thoughts. I identified myself with them, as them.
After several weeks of meditation, I felt like I was sucked out of that whirlwind and put right on the edge of it. I still felt the pull into this crazy vortex of thoughts, but I started to question – "Wait a minute. AM I confused? AM I confusion?"
Then after a while, I moved far enough away from the chaos that I was able to observe my thoughts. It was similar to sitting in a movie theater. What a shit show! No wonder I’ve been confused and depressed. Look at this thing! It’s crazy, it’s insanity….and I love it....because it’s mine. That’s when I realized that I am not my thoughts, I am something else. Over time, I found myself sitting with the Me behind me. the Divine One, seeing things from Its perspective. That’s when I realized this is the Intelligence that breathes me, that beats my heart and it has nothing to do with the mind that wants to see how many people liked my post on Facebook!
It’s important to learn how to look at things, because the mind loves to present life to us through its own filters and those filters are usually distorted. Meditation allowed me to distance myself far enough away from my thinking that I finally understood that there may be confusion but I am not confused. Truly a transformational moment.
From the book, "The Confusion Experiment."