A Summery Love Story (in the middle of winter)

2022-02-19

And then she falls in love with a girl. She reads about it and she discovers she is ‘queer’, which is odd, because she feels normal, in fact is feeling as normal as is possible. The excitement she feels to be in the company of the girl she is falling in love with is as natural as possible. Everything about her is magical, her laughter, her hair, the intensity of her eyes as she listens to her, the excitement with which she looks at her when she goes near her, her stories and the way her eyes fill up. And her abandon. What was odd a...

And then she falls in love with a girl.

She reads about it and she discovers she is ‘queer’, which is odd, because she feels normal, in fact is feeling as normal as is possible. The excitement she feels to be in the company of the girl she is falling in love with is as natural as possible. Everything about her is magical, her laughter, her hair, the intensity of her eyes as she listens to her, the excitement with which she looks at her when she goes near her, her stories and the way her eyes fill up. And her abandon.

What was odd about it?

What is odd about falling in love with all of that? Just because somebody sometime, some law somewhere, decided what is natural and what is not - here she was feeling odd, god forbid, feeling guilty.

As if there was a wrong being committed, as if some law of nature was being broken, as if she was, without doing a thing, but just for feeling a feeling, was bring prosecuted and standing guilty. If love itself was not overwhelming as a feeling, here was a world calling this feeling - queer!! What was she to do with this conflict, this battle of her feelings and what the world felt about it. How she was being judged without even opening her mouth about something so …pure, so special, so transcendental. How could something which seemed to have been ordered in heaven and ordained by the gods themselves be wrong, be bad.

She was all of 15 years old, and here she was - feeling the worst at this best time of her life.

Alas.

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