Episode 45: Replay: Coercive Control and Domestic Violence with Laura Richards

2025-03-14

Coercive control is about trying to take away someone’s autonomy and agency. It’s a form of domestic abuse that is often misunderstood and frequently dismissed. In this replay episode, I sit down with the incredible Laura Richards—renowned criminal behavioral analyst and expert on domestic violence—to break it all down. Laura and I discuss the misuse of terms like “narcissistic abuse” and “toxic relationships,” and why getting the terminology right is critical. When these words are misapplied, it can cause real harm, making it harder for vi...

Laura and I discuss the misuse of terms like “narcissistic abuse” and “toxic relationships,” and why getting the terminology right is critical. When these words are misapplied, it can cause real harm, making it harder for victims to recognize what’s happening to them and for others to take it seriously. We also talk about the broader societal factors that allow domestic violence to persist and why these patterns are so deeply embedded.

We take a closer look at high-profile cases like Gabby Petito and Lauren Dunne Astley to illustrate how coercive control plays out in real life and the devastating consequences it can have. Laura also sheds light on how the media often memorializes male perpetrators while subtly placing blame on victims, a pattern that continues to fuel dangerous misconceptions.

Beyond analyzing the problem, Laura shares the incredible work she’s doing to have coercive control legally recognized as a form of domestic abuse. She explains why advocacy, education, and legal reform are essential to protecting victims and shifting the way society understands domestic violence.

This is an eye-opening conversation, and one I hope will help others recognize coercive control for what it is.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

02:29 Defining Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships

04:15 Misuse of the Term “Narcissist”

06:17 Psychopathy and Domestic Violence

09:04 Violent Resistance in Domestic Violence

11:43 Breakup Violence and Coercive Control

18:29 Gender Roles and Social Conditioning

26:15 Recognizing Non-Obvious Patterns of Abuse

30:18 Devaluation and Pedestalization in Relationships

33:56 Concept of Unfreedom in Coercive Control